In response to my recent post, 10 Things I Know About Mental Illness, I received some incredible comments. I love the discussion that was started. Thank you for reading the post, liking, commenting, and sharing it. Education is the only thing that will end the stigma and prejudice. It is beyond time to bring mental illness out of the shadows.

One comment in particular struck a very personal chord with me.

The commenter stated that she simply wanted someone to talk to, but everyone she turned to told her to just get over it or shared Bible verses with her. None of this addressed her issues and I imagine made her feel completely unvalidated. My heart broke for her. I’ve walked in her shoes and I know they hurt badly.

If someone has never experienced true depression or any other form of mental illness, they can’t truly know what it’s like. I want to believe that the people who gave her those pieces of advice were well-meaning, but simply uneducated and didn’t know what to say in the situation.

Towards the end of high school when my parents’ divorce became final, my mom thought it would be helpful for me to see a therapist to talk about anything I didn’t feel like I could discuss with her. This was incredibly wise and caring on her part. During my fourth or fifth session, the therapist looked at me and, in complete seriousness, spoke words I’ve never forgotten, “All of your problems exist because you’re not right with God.” I literally got up and walked out never to return.

I don’t have anything against religion. In fact, I think it can be really helpful for a lot of people. My late Nana always said that she slept peacefully every night because before she got into bed, she turned her problems over to God. If that works for you, awesome. If not, there are many other ways to deal with life’s problems and mental illness.

NOTE: If you are currently having suicidal thoughts, do not follow the suggestions below. Call 911 immediately. Right now.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional. I am not a mental health expert. My opinions are my own and based solely on my personal experiences with the road to mental health.

Here are my top 16 ways to help yourself when you suffer from mental illness.

1. Find a therapist. This should be your first step. Your insurance company can provide you with a list of therapists in your area who accept your insurance. Double check with the therapist though, just in case there has been a change. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can also provide you with referrals to local therapists. If you have friends are who in the mental health or medical industry, they can be terrific referral sources, if you feel comfortable asking them. They cannot provide you treatment, however. It’s in their professional ethics.

2. Take your therapist for a “test drive.” It’s vital to your mental health that you and your therapist have a trusting, respectful, collaborative relationship. If there is anything that makes you uncomfortable about your budding therapist relationship, find another one. I don’t mean that you feel uncomfortable because discussing your issues is painful. That’s normal and vital to the process.

What I mean is that if you regularly leave your therapists office feeling far worse than when you arrived, if your therapist exhibits unethical behavior, if the therapist pushes his or her religion (see my personal story above) or other beliefs on you, if you don’t like the therapist, or if your gut simply tells you this isn’t a good fit, find a new therapist. You would never keep a primary care physician or a cancer specialist you didn’t like or trust. Why would you place your mental health in the hands of someone who gives you the icks? Trust me, you have value and you deserve a mental health professional you like and treats you well.

3. Exercise. Get out and move your body. I’m not saying it will solve all your problems, but I am saying that there is documented research that shows a strong link between exercise and mental health. It doesn’t matter how much exercise, what kind of exercise, or what time you exercise. Just do it.

4. Eat a nutritious diet. Do you survive on Coca Cola and cigarettes? That’s a shitty diet. No wonder you feel shitty. What you put into your body directly affects how you feel, so make sure you’re eating nutritious whole foods. Choose fresh over canned, frozen, pre-packaged, and/or fast food. You’ll get the most nutrients without the crummy preservatives.

5. Moderate or completely eliminate alcohol from your life. Alcohol is a known depressant and can interfere with many medications. It can also exacerbate your mental illness. If you’re using illegal drugs or taking more prescription drugs than you should, you need to stop this as well. Organizations like AA and Al-Anon can be great resources to help you.

6. Get regular, quality sleep. I know you love being a night owl. You swear you’re more productive in those quiet hours after the kids go to bed or once the world settles down. The problem is that if you’re going to bed late AND getting up early and depriving yourself of a six to eight hours of sleep nightly, you’re in a serious sleep deficit. You’re burning the candle at both ends and we all know what happens when we do that – the candle gets smaller and eventually is completely gone. That’s what happens to us as well. This is a great article about effects of sleep deprivation. The National Institute of Health says that 17 hours without sleep can mirror the effects of having a blood alcohol level of 0.05%.

Can’t get to sleep? My favorite way to combat a bout of insomnia is to lay on my back with my eyes closed and my body in a comfortable position. I deeply inhale and fully exhale very slowly. As I inhale, I count. Each inhale is one number. I count from one to ten and then from ten to one. If I lose count, I start over again. Focusing on this one thing pushes other thoughts out of my brain and allows me to fully relax. Within a few minutes, I’m always asleep. Caution: The times it doesn’t work are the times I don’t do it. As the old saying goes, you’ve gotta play to win.

A few years ago, I invested in blackout curtains. They weren’t cheap, but they were worth every penny. When I turn out the lights, my bedroom is pitch black. I have a white noise alarm clock and I often fall asleep listening to the soothing sounds of the ocean. It turns itself off after an hour. Get the TV out of your bedroom. It’s too distracting.

7. Journal. Writing helps me more than you know. I’ve been blogging for seven years, but I’ve been writing my entire life. Most of us are visual people and process a lot of our lives through what we see. I have found that writing helps me put perspective around how I feel and allows me to see progress I’ve made. I don’t necessarily write about what I’m feeling. Writing about anything helps me.

8. Develop a hobby. Do you love movies, scrapbooking, photography, painting, quilting, or something else? Start doing it. If you’re already doing it, do it more. Hobbies are terrific outlets. Not only are they creative and fun, but they force you out of your headspace.

9. Get out of your house. I don’t know what the statistics are for shut-ins having mental illness, but I’d bet my bottom dollar that it’s highly correlated. Getting out of the house isn’t always easy, especially if you suffer from extreme anxiety.

One of the best things I’ve ever done was to challenge myself to have 100 new experiences in one year. I ended up having 160 new experiences, many of which I did with other people, made new friends, found some new things I really like doing, pushed myself far outside of my comfort zone, and discovered some things I don’t like. Read about my 160 new experiences and the full history of the journey here. This year, I’ve challenged myself to 250 new experiences.

10. Don’t focus on your diagnosis. Yes, your diagnosis matters. Your insurance company wants to know it in order to pay the bills. Your diagnosis can help guide your treatment. But at the end of the day, in my opinion, a diagnosis is simply a guide post. No matter what the diagnosis, people with properly treated mental illness function well in the world every single day. I’m not saying they’re all going to solve the world’s greatest problems, but I am saying that they function well within their abilities. Bottom line: If the treatment you receive works and allows you to function, check your ego at the door. It’s better to be a highly functioning schizophrenic who is regularly taking medication, than to fight the diagnosis because you hate the word.

11. Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness rock. Yes, yoga is exercise, so I could have included it there. In my mind, however, one of the greatest things about yoga is how it forces me to slow down and focus on what is right in front of me and on my breaths. This is liberating. Meditation and mindfulness have also been shown to provide significant benefits for people with mental illness.

I’m currently reading 10% Happier, by ABC Anchor Dan Harris. It documents his journey to overcome his anxiety and depression through meditation. It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read and I highly recommend it. What I love about it is that Dan lays his problems all out on the table to show the reader that he’s just like her. Yes, he’s highly successful, but he still suffers from anxiety and depression and all the self-medicating in the world didn’t bring him any relief. Meditation did. This is not a self-help book written by someone in an ivory tower. This is written by someone who came to meditation and mindfulness through his life journey. It’s not full of statistics. It’s Dan’s very personal story and completely relatable.

12. If you need it, take medication. Just like I think it’s imperative to check your ego when it comes to your diagnosis, I think you’ll find that checking your ego and taking medication is worth it, if you need it. Medication isn’t a forever solution for everyone, although some will need it for the rest of their lives. Medication, though, will help regulate your mood and bring you out of your depression or reduce your anxiety while you learn new skills to deal with these things without medicine. I recommend finding a good psychiatrist (just like you found a good therapist for you in #1), rather than getting this medication from your primary care physician. General Practitioners are terrific, but they don’t have the specialized knowledge that psychiatrists do about medications for mental illnesses.

13. Have a happy place. A happy place is a place where you feel totally at peace and completely, unconditionally happy. Ideally, you can actually visit your happy place frequently. The second best solution is being able to go to your happy place in your head.

My happy place is the beach. I happen to live just a couple miles from the beach, so I can go there almost any time I want. But there times when I can’t do that. I can, however, tell you every single detail about my happy place. What it looks like. How it feels. The scents I smell. How it tastes. How it sounds. I can literally put myself in my happy place in my head in less than one minute.

When do I go to my happy place? When I’m having a particularly stress moment at work. When I step on an airplane. When I’m getting blood drawn. Anytime I find myself getting anxious.

14. Have only healthy relationships. Some of your current relationships may be toxic and unhealthy. End them. Nothing is worse for your general well-being than surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like shit. I recently wrote about developing healthy relationships in a post giving advice to new moms. The truth is that’s not simply advice for moms. It’s life advice for all of us. Read it here.

15. Practice your religion, if you have one and it helps. Religion isn’t for everyone. Some people don’t believe in a higher power and that’s okay. If you are a believer AND you find that it helps you, practice your religion. On the other hand, if you believe that your religion is at least part of the reason you are suffering so much, I give you permission to walk away from it.

16. Have an attitude of gratitude. Don’t you just love platitudes? Seriously, focus on what you’re grateful for each day. Some people make an actual list. Some people just sit down and make a mental list. It may feel unnatural at first, but eventually, it was be as natural as breathing and will help change your perspective on life’s challenges.

Finally, and most importantly,

17. Never give up. As long as you don’t give up, you can get better. I know what hopelessness feels like and, because I fought like hell and took every piece of advice I’m giving you, I know what a happy life feels like too. Just don’t give up.

Did you enjoy this post? Read my other posts about mental illness, 10 Things I Know About Mental Illness and End Mental Illness Stigma, Save Lives.

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