Unless you just arrived here via time travel from the 1980s and in a DeLorean, and if you did, let’s talk ASAP, you know that pioneering comic Joan Rivers died last week.

If you did arrive here via time travel, I’m sorry for the spoiler. But seriously, call me ASAP. I want to go back. There are a couple of things I want to change from 1987.

For full disclosure, I’ve never been a fan of Joan Rivers comedy. I fully respect her pioneering achievements and how she broke the glass ceiling in many ways from her pregnant appearance on Merv Griffin to her permanent guest host position for Johnny Carson, but in more recent years, I’ve found her work on E! to be mean not funny.

Having said that, my respect for her has increased significantly in the past week.

Just before her surgery, Joan and her daughter Melissa had an incredibly touching conversation. Joan was clearly a realist about death and assuring her daughter that she has had a good life, she’s proud of Melissa, and that life will go on. All parents should have this conversation with their kids and be this selfless.

She also had very specific requests about her funeral. According to the New York Daily News, quoting her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone . . . Starting With Me, Joan wrote:

In her 2012 book “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me,” the star envisioned her own funeral, which she hoped would be a big showbiz extravaganza.

“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action … I want craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!”

“I want it to be Hollywood all the way,” she continued. “I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely.’”

“I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive,” she wrote. “I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.”

“And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.”

I don’t know if Joan Rivers had specific written end of life medical directives, also known as a Living Will or a Power of Attorney for Health Care, but one thing is clear from the reading I’ve done, she and Melissa had numerous conversations about Joan’s wishes. And Melissa seems to have honored her mother’s requests without hesitation.

Here’s what I do know: We’re all going to die. It’s not optional. It’s not even optional when we’re going to die. We may all hope to live forever, but statistics tell us that’s not going to happen. We may all hope that we get into bed one night and don’t wake up the next morning, but again, the odds are against that happening.

None of us is guaranteed a long life, so having conversations about death early and often is vital. Getting our wishes in writing is even more important.

Earlier this summer, my uncle died. It was fast and unexpected; he was 58 and healthy. When I visited him in the hospital days before his death, his wife, my aunt told me that as sad as it was to watch her husband of almost 30 years wither away, she knew they had a wonderful life together and that this illness would not take any of that away.

She went on to say that for their entire marriage, they’d discussed end-of-life matters and had put their wishes in writing years ago. Not only did they each have a Power of Attorney for Health Care, but they had always discussed their individual wishes with their kids so that everyone was on the same page. In the midst of this incredibly stressful time, when the family wanted to spend time with my uncle, not one second was wasted arguing over treatment plans and second guessing. Those decisions had been made, agreed upon, and widely known, so the entire family was able to be fully present for each other and my uncle. It was beautiful.

I believe that the single most loving act any adult can take is to plan for their death long before they think they may pass away. Loving for your spouse. Loving for your children. Loving for your siblings and any living parents.

I’ve heard a bunch of excuses for why people fail to plan:

• “It’s expensive to put together a Power of Attorney for Health Care.” Guess what? It’s more expensive for the state to decide what should happen to you. Please see Terri Schiavo for more information on this.
• “Death is morbid and I just don’t want to think about it.” You’re gonna die. When it’s your time, you’re probably not going to be in a state to realize the morbidity of it. Your loved ones, however, will experience their grief and stress in a far greater way later, than you’d feel it now. Imagine how grief-stricken they will be if you’re incapacitated and unable to make your own medical decisions and then add onto that the stress of trying to imagine what you’d want, arguments that will erupt when well-meaning people disagree, and how that can cause irreparable damage to their relationships. Is that what you want your legacy to be?
• “I have time.” Really? How do you know? Do you have a direct line to God? Where did you get that crystal ball?
• “I don’t know how to create a Power of Attorney for Health Care.” There are plenty of attorneys to help you out with this and it’s not expensive.
• “All attorneys are shysters and just want my money.” Then go online and find the appropriate boilerplate documents for your state, complete them, and get them notarized. I recommend using an attorney for creating your Power of Attorney because then you’ll know you’ve got all the t’s crossed and i’s dotted. Trust me, peace of mind is not money wasted.
• “It’s just too much work and I’m busy.” Really? You know what your wishes are. You know where all of your financial documents and accounts are located. If you’re unable to communicate any of that for any reason, your loved ones sure aren’t going to know what to do, where to find the information they need, and they’ve got their own lives and grief to deal with. It takes a couple of hours to get your wishes on paper.

These excuses are lame and hold no water. Take Nike’s advice and just do it. Preparing for your death is one of the greatest acts of love you can take.

Here are some facts you need to know:

1. Each state has its own rules around Durable Powers of Attorney. Most of them will honor POAs from another state, but they don’t have to do so. If you regularly spend significant time living in another state or another country, the best thing you can do is to get POAs in each locality. They should be identical to avoid confusion, but they’ll cover your bases.
2. In Illinois, you need two Durable Powers of Attorney. First, you need a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care outlining your health care wishes and identifying the person(s) who are responsible for carrying out your wishes. Second, and equally important, you must have a Durable Power of Attorney for Property. This POA identifies a person who can make financial decisions for you. Specifically, they can pay your bills, have access to your accounts, talk to your creditors, etc. This is vital because imagine your mortgage or rent not being paid while you’re in the hospital unable to talk to your bank. You could go into foreclosure or be evicted and wind up with ruined credit or homeless upon your recovery.
3. When your kids turn 18, you no longer have automatic rights over their medical decisions. Doctors cannot talk to you because of HIPPA laws. Health Care POAs allow doctors to speak to you and make medical decisions when your adult kids are unable to make decisions for themselves. I hope they live to ripe old ages, but things happen. Better to have the POAs and never need them than to need them and not have them. You’ll obviously need to initiate this conversation with your adult kids, but establishing POAs should be part of the financial education you give them. Take them to your attorney and pay for it. Again, peace of mind is priceless.
4. You can change your POAs. When you initially set up your POAs, you’ll identify the person authorized to make your decisions, along with an alternate person (think runner-up to Miss America) who will step in should your first choice be unable to fulfill their duties. When you get married or in a long-term partnership, you may want your spouse or partner to be your POA rather than a sibling or parent or friend. You probably also want to make changes should you get divorced. You can also change your directives on end of life care, meaning that today you can decide that you want all life-saving measures taken, but later decide you want a do not resuscitate order. You must make all of these changes in writing. It is not assumed that your current spouse is your POA. Again, see Terri Schiavo.
5. You do not need kids or a spouse to set up POAs. I set mine up when I was in my mid-30s. I wasn’t married then and I’m not married now, nor do I have children, but if something should happen to me, I still want to know that I am not placing unnecessary burdens on my family and friends.
6. Choose your POAs carefully. Can you trust the people you choose to carry out your wishes do so? Are they rock solid under stress? Who in your life remains the most level-headed in an emergency? This is a life and death matter, so choose carefully. Although I trust my mom implicitly, she has her own medical issues, and I felt that my brother would be a better choice for my POA. I discussed this with both of them and they understand my reasoning. It wasn’t personal. I love my mom more than anything, but I felt that it would also be better for her not to have to take on this responsibility. I know that my brother and my mom will make decisions together, but Dave has the ultimate responsibility.
7. Put the original documents in a safe place and distribute copies to those who need them. The documents need to be witnessed and notarized, in some places. They may also need to be signed by those who are identified as your POAs and alternates. Each person named needs to have a fully executed copy of your POAs. Mine are in Dropbox, shared with those who need them, and they know where the originals are located. They will need to produce them to doctors, creditors, etc.
8. It’s easy to get started. My estate planning attorney, at Drost, Kivlahan, McMahon, & O’Connor (who has not paid me or traded services for this mention), has a simple form on their website that helps you gather your information and get the conversation started with them or any attorney. Be sure to use an estate planning attorney, rather than any attorney, because they specialize in these issues.

Please do the right thing and set up the Powers of Attorney that you need. And talk to your loved ones about your wishes. In my opinion, planning for your death and/or incapacitation is the ultimate gift of love. Failing to do so is selfish and the ultimate slap in the face to your loved ones.

Like Little Merry Sunshine on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and Pinterest, and see my pictures on Instagram to keep up with the latest goings on.

You can also receive immediate notification of each blog post by typing your email address in the box below and clicking the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.