The editorial staff at Little Merry Sunshine has decided to get into the life coaching business because who better than Little Merry Sunshine to coach you to your best life? This new feature will run as often as you send in questions, so its success is up to you. If you don’t send in questions, Sammy gets fired because it was his idea. I can’t imagine that’s what you want.

What kind of advice will Little Merry Sunshine dole out? All kinds. There’s nothing we’re not experts in and what we don’t know, we’ll make up. To receive life advice from Little Merry Sunshine, please email us. Note: Questions will only be answered in this column.

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Dear Little Merry Sunshine,

This past Friday, I received an email from Jane inviting my family and I to attend her wedding on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve 2014 – in approximately 8 weeks. The wedding is to be held out-of-state and her email stated that a formal invitation would follow, based upon our reply. I wrote her back on Saturday, thanked her for the invitation, informed her that our family would not be able to attend, and wished her well. On Monday, a formal wedding invitation arrived in the mail. Shockingly, early this morning, Tuesday, I received a second email from Jane, pointedly asking me why our family would not be attending her nuptials.

Truthfully, the bride is the daughter of a college friend of my father’s, is 10 years older than me, and, aside from meeting her once as a kid, I don’t know her at all. In fact, I didn’t even know she was engaged. I’ve already spoken to my father and he and my mother are not attending either.

In our family, holidays are sacred and are family time. We do have other obligations related to our children, our church, and our own Christmas plans. Additionally, asking my family to travel out-of-state over the holidays at this late notice, would be a significant financial strain.

Frankly, I am speechless at her audacity to ask for a specific reason for our absence and do not know how to respond to such brazenness. How do I reply to her now without digging myself into a hole?

Signed,

Backed Into a Corner by Bridezilla

Dear Backed Into a Corner,

This is the original Nightmare Before Christmas! Although I don’t know Jane, I have a feeling I know why you barely know her. She sounds like a grown-up mean girl.

I know there’s a popular belief that a wedding is all about the bride, but I beg to disagree. Certainly every couple is entitled to celebrate their wedding in whatever style they wish and at whatever time of the year they desire. What they’re not entitled to expect is that guests drop their lives and max out their AmEx Black cards in order to attend. If a couple wants to celebrate their wedding over the holidays, they need to give at least 6 months for guests to plan. I would give closer to a year, but I also wouldn’t get married on Christmas Eve.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like the email on Friday was the Save the Date, although it asked for an RSVP. I’ve known many couples who are wedding planning on a budget and only send formal written invitations to those who RSVP yes to the emailed Save the Date. I think this is a smart move, but the fact that you received a formal invitation in the mail two business days later is just weird and flies smack in the face of what Jane told you would happen. You replied in a timely polite manner to her email. 

A gracious bride would have thanked you for your prompt RSVP and wished your family happy holidays. You, however, are not dealing with a gracious bride. You’re dealing with the Bridezilla Who Stole Christmas.

Maybe Bridezilla doesn’t have many friends, because, you know, she’s not just a Bridezilla about her wedding, and she’s worried that no one from “her side” will show up, which will make her look bad. Of course, I’m just speculating. Jane could be a lovely woman, who is overly stressed.

In my heart of hearts, I believe you owe Bridezilla nothing more, but I can hear my late Nana whispering to me that one never goes wrong by going the extra mile with politeness.

When you’re out and about tomorrow, stop by CVS and pick up a wedding card. Write a nice note inside the card that simply says, “Thank you again for the generous invitation to your wedding. My family and I are unable to attend, but we wish you a lifetime of happiness and love.” Put a stamp on it, drop it in the mail, and don’t give the event another thought.

If Bridezilla continues to harass you about your upcoming absence at her wedding, ignore her. It pains me to suggest this next step because I believe parents should not have to intervene on their adult children’s behalf, but if that doesn’t work, let your dad work it out with his college buddy.

Pour yourself a glass of wine and be grateful that you’re not marrying Jane.

All the best,

Little Merry Sunshine

NOTE: This is a true story, although the names and a couple of key details have been altered to protect the guilty.

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