Dear Little Merry Sunshine,

I am a regular reader and big fan of your blog. In fact, I’ve been reading since the early days when you were writing on Blogspot. As I’ve read and re-read your posts over the past 7 1/2 years, I’ve noticed one overarching theme: far more often than not, you are happy and cheerful. How is this possible? Are you faking it? Is it an act? I simply don’t think anyone is as happy and looking for the silver lining as you always seem to be. I sometimes think you’re superficial and too stupid to realize all of life’s difficulties. Which is it?

Sincerely,

The Glass Isn’t Always Half-Full

Dear GIAHF,

Thank you for your letter. I always appreciate having the opportunity to chat with readers. Your question is one that I’ve heard from a number of readers over the years. The short answer to your question is “yes,” I’m both happy and sometimes too stupid to know that life is crazy and messy and miserable, but that’s not really the answer.

I think the best way I can answer your question is to break it down into its parts.

Do I fake being happy? No I don’t. Not ever. That’s not to say that I always have a huge smile plastered on my face or that I only feel the emotion of happiness to the exclusion of all other emotions because that’s not true. I feel all emotions – sadness, anger, loneliness, exhilaration, happiness, and everything in between – but at my core, I’m happy.

Look, 2014 was one crazy year. I totaled my car. I lost four family members. I left my job. I had a breast cancer scare. I gave up my ability to have children. All of those things could have had me down for the count. Instead, I chose to focus on the fact that a car is just a thing and no one was hurt; my family members all had great lives; leaving my job allowed me to focus on family matters that truly needed all of my attention; in the end, I didn’t have breast cancer and my saga encouraged other women to get their mammograms; and there are many other ways to flex my maternal muscle other than having children.

What I aim to do is to put my emotions in perspective and honor them in the moment through a practice of mindfulness. I use a number of iPhone apps to help me when I meditate, but for me, being mindful is about being fully present. It’s about acknowledging all of my emotions and not judging them as “good” or “bad.” When I’m sad, I feel it.

I work really hard not to stay in emotions like sadness, anger, loneliness, or depression* too long. They’re important emotions and it’s important to experience them appropriately, but when I find myself getting stuck in one of these emotions longer than serves me, which is a complete judgement call, I use skills I’ve learned over the years to put the emotion in perspective and figure out how to move out of it.

I like to turn on music that moves my soul and dance and sing around my condo. To center myself, I breathe deeply and put all my focus on my breath to the exclusion of all the other things happening around me.

I make gratitude lists. I’ve found that it’s not possible to have an attitude of gratitude and be unhappy simultaneously.

I make conscious choices about who I allow in my life. I surround myself with people who lift me up. This was difficult because it meant taking an honest look at the people in my life and asking myself how I honestly felt when I was around each person in my life or when I saw their posts on Facebook. It resulted in choosing to end some unhealthy relationships and unfriending the Debbie Downers on Facebook. And you know what? My life is better because of it.

Yes, there were some people I couldn’t fully eliminate from my life who are Negative Nellies, but I can choose how much I’m exposed to them and take steps to protect myself when I am around them.

And, of course, I love on Sammy and Zoey because kitties make everyone happy.

Thank you again for your question. I hope you’ll write in again soon.

*NOTE: Depression is tricky. We all get depressed once in awhile and it is normal. Let’s face it, life is sometimes one big shit storm. It is not always possible to just will yourself out of depression. When this is the case, you may be suffering from clinical depression, which is a serious mental illness, but isn’t what I’m talking about in this post. It may be necessary to seek professional help when your depression goes on and on and you can’t pull yourself out of it. I fully endorse professional intervention for mental health matters. You can read my posts about mental health and mental illness here.

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