My dad is the second of five children born to Giff and Peggy Gardner – Giff, John (my dad), Jeff, Kathy, and Ray. When we moved to Chicago from Ft. Myers, Florida in 1975, the entire extended family lived in the Chicago Area and we got together regularly. I have vivid memories of family dinners around my grandparents’ dining table, playing in their guest house with my cousin Andrea, riding in my Uncle Ray’s Triumphs, and celebrating holidays together. Grandpa and Grandma’s siblings and their families also lived nearby, so family get-togethers were big because they each came from families of three to five kids.

I loved being part of a big extended family and thought we’d be that way forever. I believed we’d have a long history of rich family traditions, my cousins and I would be part of each others daily lives forever, and my aunts and uncles would be my second parents. What the hell did I know, though? I was five.

All of that changed in 1977, when my Grandfather closed his business, he and Grandma moved to Sanibel Island, Florida, and aunts and uncles moved to Nebraska, Missouri, and Minnesota.

Once they were settled on Sanibel, Grandpa created a family tradition that would continue until the early or mid-1990s, when he and Grandma both passed away. This family tradition would become the one thing that made me feel like I was part of the Gardner Family, even though I almost never saw or spoke to my aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my grandparents. Once my parents got divorced in 1984, my brother and I lived with our mom, and the divide felt even greater.

That tradition was the monthly Gardner Family Letter.

No, not THESE family traditions.

Back then, there was no internet, no Facebook, no email. Long-distance calls were expensive. Letter writing was really the only option.

The letters rarely contained earth-shattering news. If someone was having a baby, moving, getting married, or having major surgery, that usually involved a phone call or personalized notification from the person or family impacted. The letters contained more mundane, everyday news. News about a grandchild’s athletic feats, good grades, musical talents, and college search. Everyday news about my dad, aunts, and uncles included home remodel projects, job promotions, vacations, and more.

Grandpa would sit down each month and type one letter on five pieces of paper divided by carbon sheets. Grandma and Grandpa had the news because their kids and grandkids might not have been in touch with each other regularly, but we were all in touch with Grandma and Grandpa. He almost never missed a month. If Grandpa had to be benched for a month or two and couldn’t type the letter, Grandma would pinch hit. Trust me, this happened a few times for a variety of reasons, including Grandpa getting too heated on a political topic.

When my parents got divorced, the letters stopped coming to my house because we lived with my mom, their now former daughter-in-law. Of course, my dad was still in the loop and received the letters, but he rarely remembered to share them with us. Finally, I convinced my grandparents to send my brother and me our own copy of the family letter and I felt like we were part of the family again.

Family history is created through milestones, but it’s mostly created through everyday life.  These letters created our Gardner family history.

A couple of months ago, I found a family letter from 1987 and was immediately transported back in time. I remembered how much I loved the monthly letters and realized how much I missed this important family tradition. When I was in New Orleans last month with all of my cousins, their kids, and some aunts and uncles, I shared the letter and suggested we start the tradition again. They all eagerly agreed.

I said I’d write and mail (yes! snail mail!) the letter each month, but they had to give me the content.

Obviously, we’ve now got Facebook, text messaging, Instagram, Twitter, email, and a million other tech tools to keep us connected, but digital news is fleeting. It’s gone as soon as the email or status update leaves my screen. Those communications won’t be around in 50 years. Letters will be. Just like Grandpa, I’m typing the letters and in his honor, I’m using the American Typewriter font, but instead of using carbon sheets to create five copies, I print out 12 copies for each of his kids, all of their kids, and grandkids.

Yesterday, the first issue of the renewed Giff & Peggy Gardner Family Letter was dropped in the mail and my heart is bursting with excitement and pride.

I’m looking for old issues of the family letter and plan to compile them and the new letters into a book for myself and future generations. Family history and family traditions matter. They tell us who we are and where we came from.

What are your family traditions?

Do you enjoy reading Little Merry Sunshine? Of course you do.

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