Two days ago my mom had gastric bypass surgery and I spent nine hours sitting in the hospital’s waiting room. Spending any time in a hospital waiting room while a loved one is in surgery is stressful at best and life altering when things don’t go as hoped. Everyone in the waiting room is on edge. They’re nervous their loved one won’t survive or that there will be some other problem.

Some people had large groups of families and friends with them, while others, like me, were there completely alone.

During my wait, I witnessed and experienced many people being less than considerate of others in the room, which shocked me. As far as I was concerned, we were all in the same boat and it was our job to be as kind and supportive of each other as possible. While we were all absorbed in our own crises, it took no effort to be considerate to others.

Therefore, I’ve developed a handy dandy guide to Hospital Waiting Room Etiquette. Please feel free to print it out and take it with you to pass around to offenders next time you’re stuck in a hospital waiting room.

1. Turn off the sound on all your electronic devices. Some people want to nap. Some want to work or read or just want to be alone with their thoughts. Respect that. Turn off the ringer on your phone, the sounds your device makes while you’re playing games, and type as silently as you can. Want to watch a movie or listen to music? Great. Use your earbuds. Waiting on a phone call? Keep your phone on vibrate. Just like in the movies, silence is golden.

2. You’re inside, so use your inside voices. In fact, you should talk quieter than that. If you’re sitting 30 feet from me, I should not be able to hear your conversation. If you’re going to be on the phone awhile, move to a corner, so your voice doesn’t carry so far.

3. Don’t complain about your wait time. There is ALWAYS someone within earshot who has been in the waiting room longer than you. On Monday, I was that person who had been there longer than almost anyone in the room. At about 4:00 p.m., a woman sitting maybe 10 feet from me kept taking phone calls, loudly complaining how she’d been in the waiting room since 11:00 a.m. and couldn’t believe things were going so slowly. The third or fourth time she did this, I looked right at her and said, “I’ve been here since 8:00 a.m.” She glared at me. I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Everyone in that room is stressed and exhausted. Just be considerate.

4. Don’t whine about how backed up the surgeon is. He’s doing surgery, not playing golf. The reason he’s backed up is because of issues that arose in earlier surgeries and he has to solve them. Just be considerate because you want doctors to address any surprises they discover when they open up your loved one too.

5. If the hospital requests you don’t eat in the waiting room, don’t do it. The hospital I was in had a no eating in the waiting room rule. I don’t know why they had that rule, but my gut tells me it’s because patients waiting to be called for pre-op prep were in the room too and it is impossible to know who is a patient who can’t eat and who’s a family member doing emotional eating.

6. Leave the volunteers alone. They aren’t there to get you coffee or improve the magazine selection. They also can’t make you copies or watch your kids. And believe it or not, they have no ability to make the surgeon operate faster.

7. Don’t bother the doctors when they come out to talk to families. When my mom’s surgeon came to speak to me, a woman interrupted us with some asinine question I’ve long forgotten. You don’t know what kind of news the doctor is delivering and you want respect when he’s speaking with you. Stay away.

8. Be respectful of people’s space. The room I was in was full of nooks and a variety of seating areas. There is no need to sit down immediately next to me when five feet away there are plenty of chairs for you and your hubby.

These may seem like a lot of etiquette tips, but it really all comes down to one thing: don’t be an asshole. When you follow that one simple guideline, everyone’s stressful day at the hospital is made just a little more pleasant. We’re all in this together.

Oh, my mom pulled through her surgery with flying colors.

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