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31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness: Week 1 Results
Have you been performing 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness? I’ve had so much fun in the past week being extra kind and seeing the reactions of strangers. I’ve also noticed many people performing random acts of kindness for me.
What have I done? I’ve . . .
- Treated my favorite 1st year Foresters to brunch at Egg Harbor Cafe and given them finals survival bags to get them through their first set of college finals.
- Held multiple doors for people entering and exiting buildings.
- Offered to let a woman with fewer groceries go ahead of me in line, but my offer was turned down.
- Helped my brother purchase a new truck by going and test driving it for him and checking it out top to bottom. (This should also count as a new experience because I’ve never done this before – I ALWAYS take a guy with me when I’m buying a car.)
- Passed out candy canes and wished people happy holidays.
- Thanked Fernando, the maintenance man at my condo building, for his hard work. Actually, I do this every time I see him.
- Picked up garbage left in my condo building’s garage over the weekend.
- Made it a point to drive extra nicely. (I’m a pretty considerate driver normally, so I extended that extra kindness.)
- Collected food and other items to deliver to the local food pantry at the end of this week.
- Thanked hospital staff for their kindness in helping to schedule new medical tests and surgery I have to have before Christmas.
I’ve also noticed many Random Acts of Kindness being performed for me.
- I was in JoAnn Fabrics the other day buying yarn to knit this scarf when the woman in front of me at the check-out counter turned around and offered me her 50% off coupon. This coupon only saved me $5.00, but $5.00 is $5.00 and I greatly appreciated her generosity.
- That same day, I received an email from a blogger who had stumbled across my blog post, Elf on the Shelf Turns This Hater into a Believer, as she was researching a post she was writing for The Huffington Post. She said she loved my post and had quoted me. On The Huffington Post. I was quoted on The Huffington Post. This not only made my day, but it made my month.
- Knowing that finances are tough right now, a friend generously offered to help me out right now. I know he wasn’t taking pity on me or anything like that, but genuinely wanting to help make my life a little easier in what’s been a pretty tough year. Although I couldn’t accept his offer, simply knowing that he had put that much thought into it and cared enough to make the offer, means the world to me. Of course, I was gracious and appreciative.
- In an effort to reduce the amount of running her around between now and Christmas, my mom has gone out of her way to arrange for rides on days she needs them. This saves me time, money in gas consumption, and wear and tear on my car. She knows there are a number of things going on that I have to focus on right now and I appreciate that she’s doing all she can to reduce my stress.
- I needed two medical tests last week and had to make the appointments in two separate departments. When I got to the second department, the kind woman asked if I’d like to move the first appointment so I didn’t have to make two trips to the hospital. Heck yes I wanted to do that! Save me a trip to the hospital, thank you so very much!
- A person I greatly respect made a point of seeking me out to thank me for my volunteer work, offered to be a reference for me, and help me in any way he can to find the perfect job fit.
Image from Pinterest I heard a story this week about performing Random Acts of Kindness that made me sad and I thought was worth sharing.
As part of a discussion on Facebook about making Homeless Helper Bags, a woman chimed in sharing that she had created some bags a few years ago and was passing them out when a homeless gentleman who was rummaging through a trash bin yelled at her for offering him a bag. She felt very discouraged because her offer was rebuffed. She went on to say that she’s never done it again because of this one incident.
When we attempt to perform Random Acts of Kindness, we have no control over how other people will react. Some people will react enthusiastically and with gratitude, while others will less enthusiastic and maybe even rude. Other people’s responses are rarely about us. Rather, they speak to the experience of life those people are having. If someone says “no thank you” to your attempt to do something nice for them or even if they’re rude about it, our job is to simply wish them a pleasant day.
In the case of the woman who was rudely rebuffed by the dumpster diver, she has no idea if he suffers from any sort of mental illness, is an addict reacting to his inability to get high, or something else. I hope she doesn’t let the one bad experience sour her on helping people. Her help may change someone’s life.
To me, that’s the exciting part of Random Acts of Kindness. We never know how our two-second generosity will reverberate like the stone thrown into the pond creates ripples.
I love hearing about how you’re spreading goodwill throughout your life. Please share your Random Acts of Kindness in the comments below.
Need ideas for Random Acts of Kindness? Check out this post, 31 Random Acts of Kindness – 2014 Elf on the Shelf Edition. And don’t forget to share on social media using the hashtag #31RAOK.
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Little Merry Sunshine joins Bloglovin
Follow my blog with Bloglovin.
Do you use Bloglovin?
In case you’re not familiar with it, Bloglovin is a website that brings all the blogs you love and follow into one feed and lets you know when they are updated. It also helps you find new blogs to follow that you may not know about.
Little Merry Sunshine joined Bloglovin this week and I hope you’ll come check me out over there.
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Homeless Helper Bags
If you’re a longtime reader of Little Merry Sunshine, you may remember how last December I was inspired by my Facebook friend Scott to make meal bags and pass them out to homeless people. That activity was one of the best parts of my year of 100 new experiences because it reminded me how grateful I am for the abundance in my life and forced me to stop and see the humanity in people I too often simply walked by without actually seeing.
All year long, I’ve been collecting sample and travel sizes of personal care items and purchased a bunch of gloves at the end of last winter for 50¢ each. My efforts were assisted by my mom being in the hospital a couple of times where they gave her little bottles of things like deodorant, toothbrushes, and toothpaste, none of which she used and the fact that I stayed in a hotel a couple of times. I also asked family members to collect items for me when they stayed in hotels.
Tonight I took out all of these items and put together a couple of what I’m calling Homeless Helper Bags. They’re simple to make and I’ll pass them out tomorrow when I head downtown to hang out with The Woodlawn Wonder.
To make Homeless Helper Bags, you’ll need any combination of:
- gallon size resealable plastic bags (to pack everything in)
- travel size body lotions
- winter gloves
- rubber gloves
- bandaids
- mouth wash, toothbrush, and toothpaste
- tampons (for women)
- soap
- shampoo and conditioner
- comb and brush
- package of tissues
- Pre-moistened towelettes
- Pre-moistened bath cloths or baby wipes
- travel size bottle of hand sanitizer
- lip balm
- granola bar
- peanut butter crackers (or any crackers)
- apple
- peanut butter and jelly sandwich
- juice box
- sweet treat like candy canes
- gum
- breath mints
- individual fruit or pudding cups
- gift card to a fast food restaurant (I like to give $5 cards when I can)
- hand warmers to put inside gloves or foot warmers to put inside socks or shoes (you can buy them in smaller quantities than those in the link)
The above list is by no means all-inclusive of what could be included. Use your imagination to think about what items homeless people could use.
Homeless Helper Bag contents. © Jessica L. Gardner. Whether you make these Homeless Helper Bags yourself and keep them in your car to pass out whenever you happen to see a homeless person or you make a bunch and head out on a quest to find people to give them to, this is a great activity that you can do either by yourself, with friends, or even with your kids. It’s also a perfect way to kickoff 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness (#31RAOK). It’s also a great assignment for your Elf on the Shelf to give your kids.
Will you join me in making and passing out Homeless Helper Bags this winter?
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Celebrate Thanksgiving with The West Wing
Today is Thanksgiving and one of the things I’m most grateful for is the seven season documentary* The West Wing. I know this show backwards and forward, sort of like some people know Caddyshack or Star Wars or the Blues Brothers
I. Love. The. West. Wing.
Don’t bother to argue with me about Aaron Sorkin. I know what some people think of him. And to them, I say, go try your hand at writing tv shows and movies that speak to us the way Sports Night, The American President, The West Wing, and The Newsroom speak to the American psyche even more than a decade after they are off the air. I’ve forgiven Sorkin for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
The West Wing loved holidays and celebrated them in grand style. For your viewing pleasure, here are three scenes from the two seasons in which documentary honored Thanksgiving.
President Bartlet and the Butterball Hotline from The Indians in the Lobby, Season 3, Episode 8.
President Bartlet Pardons a Turkey from Shibboleth Episode 8, Season 2.
The Paul Revere Knife from Shibboleth Episode 8, Season 2.
The full editorial staff at Little Merry Sunshine wishes you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving. We are grateful that you continue to read the blog. We’ll be back tomorrow with a regular post.
Best,
Jessica, Sammy and Zoey
*Note from Sammy and Zoey: Please don’t tell Jessica that The West Wing is not a documentary. We just let her believe it because it’s easier and the fallout from the whole Santa isn’t real thing was pretty bad. We don’t want to know what will happen if she discovers The West Wing is fiction.
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31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness – 2014 Elf on the Shelf Edition
In December 2013, I hitched my wagon to my friend Stacy’s incredible idea of 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness and spent the entire month spreading joy throughout the land. Stacy even created a hashtag, #31RAOK, which was a blast to use and follow on Twitter and Facebook.
Last year was such a success that I’ve been planning 2014 edition of 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness for weeks. If you read my post earlier today, Elf on the Shelf turns this hater into a believer, you know that my friend Kristi uses her Elf on the Shelf to teach her kids about being charitable and giving to others. When I heard Kristi’s story yesterday, I knew it was the perfect introduction to this year’s 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness.
Some of the ideas below are great for kids and the whole family, while some may only apply to adults. Anything can be modified for kids though. There is not fixed order in which to do these activities; it’s more important to do them than to do them on specific days.
If your Elf on the Shelf is giving these assignments to your kids, you might want to print out the daily Random Act of Kindness on a cute little card from your computer, so your kids don’t recognize your handwriting.
- Thank the cleaning crew at your school, office, condo or apartment building, or other public place for their hard work.
- Give a homeless person a gift card to get a hot meal.
- Deliver a meal to a neighbor in need (elderly, sick, disabled, grieving, etc.).
- Send a service member an electronic greeting through the USO’s Thanks From Everywhere program.
- Compliment a child in a non-stereotypical or gender-based way.
- Hold the door open for 5 people.
- Compliment a cashier or customer service rep on their service: Bonus RAOK: Seek out the manager and let him/her know about the employee’s excellent performance.
- Be a Secret Santa to someone by giving them an anonymous small treat that is meaningful to them.
- Call a relative or friend you haven’t spoken to recently and catch-up. If you get voice mail, leave a message, but keep going until you find someone to have an actual conversation with.
- Call your mother (or father) just to say “I love you.”
- Call you mechanic, vet, hair stylist, manicurist, or other service provider you frequent throughout the year, BUT won’t see before 2015 and thank them for keeping you looking good, etc. this year.
- Compliment a stranger.
- Fulfill a needy child’s holiday wish.
- Find out what your food pantry is low on and deliver a supply of it to them.
- Shovel a neighbor’s sidewalk and/or driveway. Do not accept any money for this.
- Scrape snow off someone’s windshield at the train station, supermarket, office, or apartment complex while your car warms up.
- When you’re running to the grocery store, call a neighbor and ask if they need bread or milk while you’re there.
- Invite a coworker who normally dines alone to join you for lunch.
- Call a former boss or mentor and thank them for helping you get where you are today.
- Smile at everyone you see today, even if (especially if?) you’re in a foul mood.
- Let someone go ahead of you in line.
- Leave a very generous tip (i.e., more than would normally be appropriate for the bill, but still respects your financial situation).
- Offer to help someone load their groceries into their car.
- Forgive someone.
- Spend 10 minutes beautifying your neighborhood (e.g., pick up trash, sweep leaves off the sidewalk, pick up animal excrement).
- Place uplifting post-it notes in random places (e.g., bathroom mirror, bathroom stall, computer, car windshield).
- Dedicate all your social media messages for 24 hours to nothing but positivity, inspiration, and gratitude. No snark, sarcasm, or complaining.
- Give blood.
- Give up your seat on public transportation.
- Give up your seat in a crowded waiting room.
- Bring donuts or another treat to your office.
- Drive kindly.
- Sign up to become an organ donor.
- Wipe down the gym equipment after you use it.
- Return a rogue shopping cart.
- Drive past the “rock star parking spot” and let someone else have it.
- Offer to mentor someone or help them with a project.
- Pay someone’s parking meter so they don’t get a parking ticket.
- Donate clothes, books, toys, etc. that you don’t need and are in good condition to charity.
- Don’t gossip or speak ill of others for 24 hours.
- Leave a nice smelling hand lotion in the ladies room at work for all to use.
- Leave coupons you don’t need on top of their products at the store.
- Offer to give someone your cart as you leave the store.
- Let someone else purchase “the last item.”
- Save your box tops and soup can labels and donate them to a school.
- Spend time with a senior citizen.
- Send a special treat to a random college student at your alma mater. Maybe one who lives in your old room or has your old mailing address. You may need to work with the Office of Residence Life to accomplish this and you’ll need to do this soon so it arrives before they leave for winter break.
- Stand up for someone being bullied.
- If you work in sales or customer service and have the authority (DO NOT jeopardize your job), give a discount or rebate to a customer.
- Tape enough change to a vending machine to purchase the most expensive item in it.
- Say thank you to the crossing guard.
- Pass out candy canes and wish people “happy holidays.”
- Make “free hug” coupons and pass them out to loved ones for redemption whenever they desire.
- Feed the birds.
- Take cookies to your local fire station or police station to say thank you for their service to the community.
- Write a thank you note.
- Do a chore for someone in your family.
- Call your local hospital and see if they need donations for kids in the hospital over the holidays. Donate books.
- Drop some change in a street performer’s cup.
- Put a special love note in your child’s lunch or spouse’s work bag.
- Offer to watch someone’s child(ren) so she/he can take a break.
- Make your spouse, roommate, or child breakfast in bed.
- Send copies of nice pictures to people who are in them.
- In a situation that might normally cause you to lose your temper, control it. Focus on breathing, counting to 10, walking away for a moment. Whatever it takes to not lose your temper.
- Play a board game or read a book to a child.
- Teach a child something you wish you’d known at their age.
- Donate coloring books, activity books, crayons, stickers, and/or stuffed animals to the police station to give to scared or abused children.
- Donate school supplies to a school.
- Go out of your way to make a new friend.
- Cover for a co-worker so she or he can leave early.
- Leave your newspaper for someone else to read.
- Buy Streetwise from every vendor you see in Chicago.
- Write a letter to your child from Santa, drop it in the mail (but not from your house if they’ll see it), and see their excitement at receiving mail from Santa. Print out free Santa stationary here.
- Make and pass out Homeless Helper Bags.
- Recycle paper and plastic shopping bags.
- Shop only with your reusable bags.
- Fulfill a child’s holiday wish by picking up a Dear Santa Letter from the Post Office.
Need more ideas? Check out The Acts of Kindness Advent Calendar. When you submit your email address, you’ll receive 25 days of kindness ideas beginning December 1st.
Will you join me in 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness? Share your acts on social media using the hashtag #31RAOK.
Like Little Merry Sunshine on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and Pinterest, and see my pictures on Instagram to keep up with the latest goings on.
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Elf on the Shelf turns this hater into a believer
Unless you’ve been living under a rock without internet access for the past few years, you’ve undoubtedly heard of or come into direct contact with the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon that will shortly overtake the otherwise rational minds of parents everywhere. It appears the Elf on the Shelf began innocently enough, but has morphed into a competition that makes parents insane.
I hope the Elf didn’t use a Sharpie. Image via Pinterest. Let me lay my cards on the table, I hate the Elf on the Shelf. I hate how crazy it will make my friends and how their pictures of their Elf in all sorts of mischief, will crowd my Facebook feed for the next month, pushing actual posts I’d like to see off the page. When I originally planned this post, it was going to be an in-depth expose of the Elf on the Shelf’s (fictitious) past and how damaging I believe it is to the true spirit of Christmas. Seriously, I already had a whole backstory complete with mob ties, horse heads, and murder. It was awesome. My friend Jenna has covered the disposing of the Elf well, so go read her thoughts on the matter.
But then the Elf on the Shelf worked its holiday magic on me via a Facebook post by my childhood friend Kristi. Kristi began her relationship with her Elf innocently enough, as a way to have a special treat for her 3-year-old daughter who lost her only child status at the beginning of December. The Elf sat on a shelf, keeping a watchful eye on her daughter, although it moved around occasionally. Kristi’s daughter thought it was cute.
And then Pinterest happened and Kristi admits she fell into the “mom guilt” of trying to outdo the pranks and poses she saw there. She’d stay up late frantically attempting to figure out what to do with the Elf. Those were some stressful times and, for Kristi, trying to be super creative with the Elf to entertain her kids and keep up with the moms on social media, was overwhelming. Plus, her kids weren’t really into all the pranks the Elf on the Shelf pulled.
Is this the lesson you want your Elf to teach your kids? Image via Pinterest. A couple of years ago, Kristi was at her children’s school when a little boy walked into the office and presented the school secretary with a small handmade gift that appeared to not be a holiday gift, but more a gift for no reason gift. Kristi asked the boy about it and he told her that his Elf on the Shelf had instructed him perform a random act of kindness.
At that moment, the Heavens opened and angels sang. This idea spoke directly to Kristi’s life philosophy of kindness and being charitable and the lessons she was trying to teach her children. “We are a very lucky family so we teach our kids that doesn’t come free. We are responsible to give back because of our blessings,” she told me last night.
Each morning when her kids rise, the Elf has a kindness or charitable activity for them to perform that day. Types of activities include:
“He challenges the kids to go shopping in the pantry for cans to bring to the local food pantry. He asks the kids to be a bucket filler and do nice things for others. He has contests to see who can be nicest to their brother and sisters and he reminds them about what we believe the true meaning of Christmas.”
Sometimes the kids will awaken to the Elf skiing on candy canes, but more the most part, Kristi keeps his activities simple and focussed on improving the lives of others. Plus, Kristi says that her kids seem to prefer the simpleness of their Elf and avoiding all the over-the-top shenanigans helps them focus on giving to others.
I love this and it speaks directly to my philosophy of performing random acts of kindness throughout the year. It also speaks to my belief that to those whom much is given, much is expected. If the Elf on the Shelf is used to teach these valuable life lessons rather than just entertaining kids and bringing them even more gifts for no apparent reason, then I’m all in.
What would the holiday season be like if you gave up the stress of the Elf on the Shelf and instead used the Elf to teach your kids valuable life lessons about gratitude, kindness, compassion, paying it forward, and walking in someone else’s shoes?
Later today, I’ll be sharing my plan for 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness. Your Elf can present an activity a day to your family or you can simply go out and perform them yourself. It’s up to you.
Thank you Kristi for converting me from an Elf on the Shelf hater to an Elf on the Shelf advocate. I guess that little bugger really does have magical Christmas powers.
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New Holiday: Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes Day
In September 2013, as part of my personal challenge to have 100 new experiences, I created a holiday, International Stay In Bed and Read a Book Day. As you can imagine, it’s become very popular and is celebrated worldwide.
Fourteen months later, I’ve decided that it’s time for another new holiday.
Therefore, I hereby declare the day before Thanksgiving to be Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes Day. It will be effective immediately, thus making tomorrow, Wednesday, November 26, 2014, the first Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes Day.
On this day, pick out someone you’ve judged or made assumptions about in the past. You might know the person, but you might also choose someone you’ve only met or seen once. Maybe it’s someone you saw in the grocery store buying “inappropriate foods” with their food stamps. Maybe it’s the homeless guy on the street you never make eye contact with because you just know he’s an addicted loser. Maybe it’s the woman you believe has it all together and lives a dream life. Maybe it’s a teacher you think has it easy because she only works 180 days a year and has a 3-month paid vacation in the summer. Maybe it’s the man who’s climbed the ladder quickly and everyone says is a huge kiss-ass. Maybe it’s someone of another race, gender, or sexual orientation.
Whomever you choose, it’s your job to get to really know that person and learn about his or her life. Ask open-ended questions and listen to the answers. You are not allowed to be thinking about your next question, while the other person is talking. Rather than judging and making assumptions about the other person’s life, be fully present and see things from someone else’s point of view, experience their hardships and victories, and generally understand what it’s like to be him or her.
Understand how and why he is where he is in life. Ask yourself, could her story be your story? Is there anything you’re doing to make that person’s journey more difficult? What can you do to help that person’s life be easier? What lessons can you learn about yourself?
We all wear a game face and expect others to do so as well, but those game faces cause us all to make incorrect assumptions. On Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes Day, you’ll get beyond the game faces of the people you meet. If you do it right, you’ll get to know the real person underneath and even learn a thing or two about yourself. You’ll learn how to not jump to quick conclusions about people you know and people you don’t know. The more you practice Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes, you’ll begin instantly seeing past the facade and connecting with the real person, if only for an instant.
Will you join me in celebrating Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes Day?
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This post is part of the monthly ChicagoNow Blogapalooz-Hour challenge where all CN bloggers have one hour to write about a topic our fearless leader, Jimmy Greenfield, assigns to the group. We learn of the topic via email at 9:00 p.m. and have to be done by 10:00 p.m.
Hey all,
Welcome to ChicagoNow’s Blogapalooz-Hour!
Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to publish a post in one hour. Here is tonight’s challenge:
“Create a new holiday, or holidays, that you believe should exist.”
This can be about anything and take place anywhere, it can be another traditional holiday, a food holiday, Congressional gridlock holiday, metaphysical holiday, Bieber holiday, world holiday, whatever you can conceive. It can be one holiday that you go into a great amount of detail about, or a list of five to 10 holidays with briefer descriptions.
The point of this exercise is to do it no matter what so don’t bail. Be creative, enjoy the process. Use words, images or video. Whatever you need to tell your story.
Be aware of the time. No matter when you finish, please wait until 10 p.m. to publish. Above all, please respect the deadline.
You have one hour.
Go.
Want to read all the posts from November’s Blogapalooz-Hour? Check out the Storify.
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Rape allegations against Bill Cosby have changed his legacy from the one we want to the one we need
A friend of mine posted on Facebook about a conversation she had with her daughter this morning that began with her daughter asking, “Is Bill Cosby a rapist?”
This question from her tween, made my friend realize that she could no longer separate Bill Cosby the man, who is accused of sexually abusing at least 16 women, from Bill Cosby the comedian, actor, educator, author, and activist. She realized that, just as she had with Roman Polanski and Woody Allen, she had spent years creating a warped rationalization that she could separate these artists from their crimes.
As you can imagine, this sparked quite the conversation on Facebook. I started to comment, but then decided I preferred to write about it here.
Keep in mind that as I write this, I’m listening to MSNBC discuss the rape allegations at University of Virginia and the decision to suspend all fraternities. This was brought to light in a Rolling Stone investigation, published just 5 days ago. (Read A Rape on Campus: A Brutal Assault and Struggle for Justice at UVA and follow-up articles, UVA Suspends Fraternities Following Rolling Stone Campus Rape Investigation and A Weekend of Protest at UVA Following Rolling Stone Rape Story Jolts Campus for more information.)
The following is what I began to post on my friend’s Facebook page.
Well said. I can’t even imagine what parents who have raised their kids on reruns of The Cosby Show are saying to their children now. Hell, I don’t have kids and I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it all.
At the beginning, when it was just one or two allegations, I wanted to believe that Bill Cosby couldn’t have done these things. I mean, he’s Cliff Huxtable. CLIFF FUCKING HUXTABLE.
The Cosby Show was must see tv in my house. I never missed it. The Huxtables were the family I wanted, but never had.
When The Cosby Show hit the airwaves on September 20, 1984, my parents had been separated for six months and life was hard at my house. We were getting help from the local food pantry, free school lunches, and even free school pictures, although I had to miss a full day of school while I literally worked for my free pictures (not worth it, those pics sucked).
Even though I don’t think it had become official, I knew that my family – my mom, dad, brother, and I – would never live under the same roof again. The Cosby Show made me laugh and I fantasized about growing up in a home where mom and dad genuinely loved each other and weren’t shy about showing it, the extended family was tight and regularly involved, and the kids weren’t worried about being found out and horribly ridiculed for receiving free school lunches or Christmas gifts from the township office. In short and although I didn’t have words for it then, I fantasized about growing up in a healthy family with a healthy village to support it, just like the Huxtables.
I watched religiously for eight years and remember crying as though I’d personally lost a close friend or family member on April 30, 1992, when the ending credits ran for the last time.
As more allegations surfaced, however, I realized that the 16 (SIXTEEN!) women who’d chosen to out themselves had nothing to gain. Not money and certainly not fame. As we almost ritually seem to do with all women who accuse men of sexual misconduct, we had to drag them through the mud and slut shame them. What did they do to encourage their attacker? What were they wearing? Had they previously had consensual sex with him? How many partners have they had? Why were they in the location they were in at the time? And on and on.
I don’t know exactly when, over the past few weeks, I decided for myself that Bill Cosby must be a sexual predator, but that’s what I now believe.
And in making that decision, I believe it taints all good he has done in the world. I wish it didn’t, but it does. All of the money Bill Cosby has donated to Spellman College and Fisk University, $20 million and $1.3 million respectively, feels like blood money. Did he donate it out of pure selflessness and a desire to help African-American students get a leg up on life or did he donate it out of his own guilt for the horrible things he’d done? We’ll never know.
As far as I can tell at this moment, two good things have emerged from the Bill Cosby rape allegations.
First, Bill has stayed silent. Yes, I know that people want him to speak out. They want him to say he didn’t do it so they can return to loving his genius and decades of philanthropy. Or they want him to acknowledge that he did it and somehow make amends. Either way, they want him to talk about the allegations.
Why do I say that it’s good that he’s stayed silent? Because in our society, when men are accused of rape, they tend to speak out denying the allegations and crucifying the women by calling their mental health into question, suggesting they’re looking to cash in or gain fame, they can’t take a joke, or they are jilted lovers. Want an example? See Anita Hill. I’m grateful that Bill Cosby isn’t engaging in this behavior. It’s letting me hold onto a shred of respect for him.
Second, and more important, we are actually discussing sexual assault in real ways without slut shaming women. We are standing up and saying NO MORE. As the Chicago Tribune wrote this weekend, “They’re [the accusers] changing the conversation about rape in America. It isn’t pretty. But it’s a good thing.”
This is a conversation we’ve needed to have for far too long. When 60% of women do not report their sexual assaults to the police, mostly out of fear and shame, we have an enormous problem. Learn more about rape and sexual assault statistics from RAINN – Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network.
It’s my everlasting hope that the Bill Cosby legacy, while surely ruined for his work in comedy, education, music, philanthropy, acting, activism, and more, will be that through his vile actions, we, as a society, finally changed the way we talk about and treat survivors of rape. That we take it seriously, treat the accusers with respect and dignity, and we make it safe for them to come forward when they are attacked rather than hiding in shame for decades. According to RAINN, since the Cosby allegations began, the National Sexual Assault Hotline has received 50% more calls. That’s incredible.
Changing how we treat rape victims and taking their allegations seriously won’t fix the lives of the 16 women Bill Cosby assaulted, but maybe they can find solace in knowing that other women won’t suffer the indignities they have suffered.
If you have been a victim of a sex crime, know that it is not your fault and that you are not alone. Please reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE or online. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. I would also encourage you to go to the police and keep talking until someone listens.
What do you think? How are you talking to your kids about Bill Cosby these days?
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It’s my 1 Year ChicagoNow Blogiversary!
One year ago today I joined the ChicagoNow family of bloggers. As I celebrate this one year blogiversary, it’s important to remember that I’ve actually been writing Little Merry Sunshine for more than seven years.
Little Merry Sunshine began over on Blogger as a way for me to experiment with writing. I had no idea whether anyone would read it or not. Much to my surprise, I slowly built not only an audience, but a community of loyal readers. Yes, some of those readers included my mom, friends, and other relatives, but others joined in as well. And in time, I’m proud to say many of those people became friends, who are just as important as my real-life friends.
Little Merry Sunshine proved what we all learned in Field of Dreams: If you build it, they will come. I built it and you came.
Since joining ChicagoNow, the the LMS community has grown by leaps and bounds:
- In just the past 12 months, almost 48,000 different people have read Little Merry Sunshine. In internet speak, that’s “unique visitors,” so I suppose it could be one person visiting from 48,000 different IP addresses. If so, thanks dude, but let me encourage you to find another hobby.
- 97 people have signed up to receive email alerts whenever a new blog is published. What’s a girl gotta do to get to 100 subscribers? All the cool kids are doing it PLUS it’s 100% spam free and you can unsubscribe at any time (but why would you want to?). Just type your email address into the box at the bottom of this post, click “Create Subscription,” and you’ll be off to the races.
- Since joining ChicagoNow, 158 people have liked the Little Merry Sunshine Facebook page, bringing the total number of fans to 306. You read that right. It took 6 1/2 years for 148 people became fans on Facebook, but in the past 12 months, that number has more than doubled. Oh, you haven’t yet liked the LMS Facebook page? What’s stopping you? You can join right this moment. Not only do I share the posts over there, but I share other inspirational stories and blog posts from my fellow ChicagoNow bloggers that I think you might like. Let’s get to 400 fans by Christmas.
- I have published 100 posts. In fact, by sheer coincidence, this post is number 100.
- I have met some of the coolest damn writers ever. Seriously, I get to rub elbows with Nicole who writes Moms Who Drink and Swear and makes me grateful I regularly do kegels so I don’t wet myself while reading; Katy celebrates gratitude better than anyone I’ve ever met and authors I Got a Dumpster Family; Tara writes about all sorts of super cool stuff including sex and horror films (she watches so I don’t have to) at Red & Company; Sheila advocates for families of children with cancer and much more at Mary Tyler Mom; David celebrates his transformation from fat to fit in the past 11 months at The Quinn-tes-sen-tial; Meggan shares her journey of becoming a woman at Trans Girl at the Cross; Michael writes about running, house hunting, life in general, and his new twins at Mysteries of Life; Lyletta shares her stories of life in Woodlawn on I Hate My Developer and also happens to be my friend from our days at Lake Forest College; Jenna, one of the hippest, funniest moms of the most adorable little girls EVEH and writes High Gloss and Sauce; Kathy, a leading voice in ending puppy mills and other abuses of animals at Raining Cats and Dogs; Erin who keeps us all organized and speaks straight to my OCD heart at Organizing with Erin; and so many more incredibly talented writers.
- Jenn-Anne of Old Single Mom, let’s be clear, though she’s a single mom, she’s not old, has invited me to join a group of ChicagoNow bloggers in a super secret experiment this week that we’re hoping to turn into a regular thing. I think this makes me one of the cool kids.
- ChicagoNow is more than just a bunch of bloggers. These people are family. They celebrate each other’s accomplishments, never get into stupid pissing wars about who “owns” a topic (spoiler alert: no one does), and cheer each other onto success. We know that there’s room for all of us to be successful and that one person’s success doesn’t mean someone else must fail. We also circle the wagons when one of our own is having a tough time. I’ve seen this over and over again in just the past month and I’ve even been fortunate enough to be the recipient of it. Trust me, it’s priceless.
Little Merry Sunshine joined ChicagoNow on November 18, 2013. I’ve also had some pretty rad achievements this year. Achievements that would not have been possible without ChicagoNow.
- Little Merry Sunshine has appeared on the front page of the Chicago Tribune more than a few times, the front page of ChicagoNow more times than I can count (including yesterday), and I have been recognized as writing one of the best blog posts and gallery posts of the month twice.
- I was interviewed by Amy Guth on RedEye Remix on WGN to discuss my 100 new experiences. Listen here.
- I was interviewed by a Medill graduate student for a class project about my blog post, Why I Can’t Lean In to Ban Bossy. Read the blog post here about my interview.
- On April 11, 2014, I had 3,649 unique visitors, the most I’ve ever had. The post that brought in all that traffic? Happy National Siblings Day, a post a wrote celebrating my brother Dave, brought in 94% of my visitors that day.
Of course, none of this would be possible without the tireless leadership of Jimmy Greenfield. He is patient and kind, always willing to answer questions, even in non-office hours and when he’s answered the same question no fewer than 978,528,264 times. He tells us when we hit a home run, but also lets us know when we could have done better. Although he doesn’t read any posts in draft form, he will encourage us to go back and make some changes, if necessary, after we hit publish.
When I’ve felt discouraged or not written for a couple weeks, Jimmy is always willing to talk it out with me and everyone else, as well. He’s a wonderful mentor who has taught me more than I ever wanted to know about promoting my blog, building the Little Merry Sunshine brand, SEO (that’s search engine optimization, if you don’t know the lingo), and much more in his daily motivational and educational emails.
Thanks to ChicagoNow, I have grown as a writer, am more confident in my abilities, and have almost finished a first draft of a book.
Thank you for being one of my readers and for your comments, likes, and shares. I admire each and every one of you.
As we like to say over at ChicagoNow, blogging works, yo.
Here’s to many more years at ChicagoNow and the next 100 posts.
Oh, and because I’m sure you’re looking for the perfect gift for my blogiversary, I remind you that the traditional one year anniversary gift is paper. In that spirit, I’d like a publishing deal for the non-fiction book I’m writing.
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5 Best Apps for Your Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Practice
One of the best things I’ve ever done is to begin a meditation and mindfulness practice. I suppose I began it almost 10 years ago when I took a hypnosis class with Rev. Jean Kadkhodaian of The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center in Arlington Heights. I took to it like a fish takes to water and saw immediately how it helped ease my anxiety, migraines, and improved my sleep.
I purchased a few CDs from Jean so that I could continue this practice of self-hypnosis and meditation on my own. To this day, those CDs remain on my iPod and my Meditation and Relaxation Playlist gets more airplay than anything else.
About 18 months ago, I took another class that focussed on meditation and mindfulness as a way to help quiet the doubting voices we all have in our head, regulate emotions, moods, stress, panic attacks, and overall well-being. Since that time, I’ve become fully engaged in a daily meditation and mindfulness practice.
What I’ve found is that by practicing meditation and mindfulness, I’m able to better remain calm in what would otherwise be highly stressful situations. Think about how I’ve handled 2014, a year filled with one crisis after another. I have remained rock solid and steady throughout all of it, which has enabled me to focus on solutions rather than get caught up in all the drama.
That’s not to say that practicing meditation and mindfulness you stop feeling emotions. Quite the contrary. I am fully in touch with my emotions at all times. This practice simply allows me to not get stuck in any one emotion and to step back and evaluate all angles of a situation before reacting. I’ve also almost entirely stopped having panic attacks.
If you want more information about mindfulness and how it changes lives, I strongly encourage you to read 10% Happier by Dan Harris, anchor of ABC’s Nightline. Dan writes from a place of real life experiences – his own beginning with his panic attacks that happened live on Good Morning America – not from a clinical place. He shares his very personal journey from skeptic to true believer, including some very unhealthy steps he took to self-medicate in an attempt to calm the voices in his head and stop his panic attacks.
I have read and re-read 10% Happier a number of times now and truly believe it to be one of the best books of 2014. I can talk on and on about it, but watch Dan explain it and see his panic attack.
As I said, I practice meditation and mindfulness daily. Sometimes my practice is 5 minutes and sometimes it’s 30 minutes or more. In my current practice, I use a number of guided meditation apps on my phone. I haven’t yet mastered the fully silent meditation, although I’m getting better.
One of my favorite times to use a guided meditation is just before I drift off to sleep. My Jawbone UP24 tells me that on nights I use a guided meditation for sleep, I fall asleep in under 10 minutes. Nights without it? At least 15 to 20 minutes. That’s significant.
These are my favorite apps for meditation and mindfulness.
- UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center offers eight free guided meditations and is a great place to start if you’re a newbie because the site walks you through the process. You can listen straight from the website or from iTunes U. In general, the MARC website is a terrific meditation and mindfulness resource. My personal favorite guided meditation is Body Scan for Sleep. It’s 12 minutes in length and I’ve never heard the entire thing. The meditations last from 3 minutes to about 17 minutes, depending on which meditation you’re using.
- Sleep Easily Meditation by Shazzie (free version). This guided meditation is 26 minutes in length (again, I’ve never heard the entire thing) and Shazzie has a very soothing voice. This app is available for both iPhone/iPad and Android products. In app purchases are available, but I’ve never bought any.
- 5 Minute Relaxation (free). What I love about this meditation is that it’s actually two meditations. The first is designed for people who simply want a quick pick-me-up, reduce stress, and wake up at the end feeling refreshed. The second is designed for people who want to fall asleep. Available for both iPhone/iPad and Android products. In app purchases are available, but I haven’t bought them.
- Mindfulness (free). This app offers multiple meditations plus in-app purchases. Meditations last from 7 to 25 minutes. Available for iPhone/iPad.
- Stop, Breathe, & Think (free). This is a great app because it encourages you to check-in with yourself, determine how you’re feeling, track it, and then it recommends a few meditations for you. You can skip this stop if you prefer and choose a meditation from an extensive list. Once again, in-app purchases are available and it’s available for iPhone/iPad and Android products.
These are the apps I use most frequently, but they are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to meditation and mindfulness apps. Headspace is another app that’s quite popular and free (again, in-app purchases are available), but I haven’t tried it.
Want more information and tips on meditation and mindfulness? Check out my Pinterest board dedicated to it.
How do you feel about mindfulness and meditation? Have you tried it? Do you use any of these apps or any others?
Like Little Merry Sunshine on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and Pinterest, and see my pictures on Instagram to keep up with the latest goings on.
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Jessica L Gardner 