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10 signs I may have hit Middle Age
This afternoon I had the opportunity to have my annual eye exam. My eyes are healthy and all is mostly fine. I was motivated to schedule the appointment because my arms were no longer long enough to allow me to see close-up when wearing my glasses or contacts and because the DMV told me a few months ago that I missed a bunch of the things on their vision test, although they ultimately passed me.
Those two instances got me to thinking that maybe I’m hitting Middle Age. You know, those magical years between the days and nights when you could party and drink all night long with minimal repercussions the next day and the age when you qualify for Social Security. As I pondered this weighty topic today, I realized there are ten things that truly point to this new reality and lead me to believe it might not all in my head. Do you recognize any of them?
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Have I forgotten any of the signs I’ve hit Middle Age? What were the signs you saw in your own life?Like Little Merry Sunshine on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and Pinterest, and see my pictures on Instagram to keep up with the latest goings on.
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Piano lessons: Although I quit them 32 years ago, I wish I still played
When I was 5 or 6 years old, my parents made me take piano lessons. The key phrase there is “made me.” Music lessons were not optional in my house. Properly raised children played the piano. Period.
My mom had grown up taking piano lessons from my step-grandfather’s first wife (before she passed away) and my mom didn’t even have a piano. She told me she created a piano keyboard out of paper and she practiced on it. Once in awhile, she’d be allowed to practice over at the church because her piano teacher was the organist, my step-grandfather was the preacher, and my grandparents were the first members of the church. Mom took lessons the whole way through high school.
Although she desperately wanted them, Nana never took piano lessons. Her family barely had money for food, much less luxuries like music lessons. When she was in her late-60s, however, she took piano lessons, fulfilling her lifelong dream. In fact, we had a lot of the same Schaum piano books.
Although piano lessons were mandatory, I hated them. I found them boring and tedious. Sure, I learned to read music, keep time without the metronome, and each year at Christmas, I’d learn a few holiday songs. But I never had a recital and never felt like I was working towards anything, although I couldn’t have told you that then. Playing the piano was also a solitary experience.
Week after week, I endured a 30-minute lesson, where I was usually humiliated because I wasn’t very good and I hadn’t practiced enough. Back at my house, it was always a battle to get me to practice. More fights than I can count with my parents centered around getting me to practice. Personally, I wanted to do things like play sports or take dance lessons, but piano lessons were my lot in life.
Finally, when I was in fifth grade, my parents let me stop taking lessons. For all I know, my piano teacher fired me as her student. Unfortunately, by that point, dance lessons or sports were really out of the question. There were no beginner dance classes for anyone my age and I had already discovered my lack of athleticism in gym classes when I was always picked last for everything and I was the slowest runner in my class.
A year later, in 6th grade, my mom and I agreed to give piano lessons another try with a new teacher. Unfortunately, it turned out that I was as uninterested as I had been previously and I have no doubt it was as miserable for my teacher as it was for me. I don’t know if I was just scarred from my piano lesson experiences in elementary school or what it was, but I still loathed practicing and was bored.
By that point, I was completely engaged in playing the flute, which I’d begun in 5th grade. I played the flute because my mom played it and it was another acceptable instrument for a girl to play. I enjoyed the flute because I liked the concerts we had, there was a social aspect to it, and it was a little competitive with the other flute players in our junior high band. Plus, each year, I did very well playing flute solos in music competitions.
Ultimately, I gave up piano lessons for good in 7th or 8th grade. In high school, college, and even a few times in adulthood, I sat down at my mom’s piano, pulled out some of my old music, and played, just for fun. These days the piano sits unplayed and surely out of tune. I sometimes wish I could still play and that I’d become good at it. I’d love to be able to just sit down and pour out life’s frustrations on the piano keyboard.
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Tonight’s blog post is part of ChicagoNow‘s monthly Blogapalooz-Hour, when Community Manager, Jimmy Greenfield emails us a topic at 9:00 p.m. and we have one hour to write a post and hit publish. Tonight’s challenge:
“Write about something in your life you’ve given up, but that you wish you still did.”
Don’t bail because you can’t think of a good topic. The point of this exercise is to do it no matter what. Be creative, enjoy the process. Use words, images or video. Whatever you need to tell your story.
Be aware of the time. No matter when you finish, please wait until 10 p.m. to publish. Above all, please respect the deadline.
You have one hour.
Go.
Want to read all the posts from tonight’s Blogapalooz-Hour? They’ve all been Storified here.
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What Joan Rivers taught us about death and dying
Unless you just arrived here via time travel from the 1980s and in a DeLorean, and if you did, let’s talk ASAP, you know that pioneering comic Joan Rivers died last week.
If you did arrive here via time travel, I’m sorry for the spoiler. But seriously, call me ASAP. I want to go back. There are a couple of things I want to change from 1987.
For full disclosure, I’ve never been a fan of Joan Rivers comedy. I fully respect her pioneering achievements and how she broke the glass ceiling in many ways from her pregnant appearance on Merv Griffin to her permanent guest host position for Johnny Carson, but in more recent years, I’ve found her work on E! to be mean not funny.
Having said that, my respect for her has increased significantly in the past week.
Just before her surgery, Joan and her daughter Melissa had an incredibly touching conversation. Joan was clearly a realist about death and assuring her daughter that she has had a good life, she’s proud of Melissa, and that life will go on. All parents should have this conversation with their kids and be this selfless.
She also had very specific requests about her funeral. According to the New York Daily News, quoting her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone . . . Starting With Me, Joan wrote:
In her 2012 book “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me,” the star envisioned her own funeral, which she hoped would be a big showbiz extravaganza.
“When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action … I want craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!”
“I want it to be Hollywood all the way,” she continued. “I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely.’”
“I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive,” she wrote. “I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.”
“And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.”
I don’t know if Joan Rivers had specific written end of life medical directives, also known as a Living Will or a Power of Attorney for Health Care, but one thing is clear from the reading I’ve done, she and Melissa had numerous conversations about Joan’s wishes. And Melissa seems to have honored her mother’s requests without hesitation.
Here’s what I do know: We’re all going to die. It’s not optional. It’s not even optional when we’re going to die. We may all hope to live forever, but statistics tell us that’s not going to happen. We may all hope that we get into bed one night and don’t wake up the next morning, but again, the odds are against that happening.
None of us is guaranteed a long life, so having conversations about death early and often is vital. Getting our wishes in writing is even more important.
Earlier this summer, my uncle died. It was fast and unexpected; he was 58 and healthy. When I visited him in the hospital days before his death, his wife, my aunt told me that as sad as it was to watch her husband of almost 30 years wither away, she knew they had a wonderful life together and that this illness would not take any of that away.
She went on to say that for their entire marriage, they’d discussed end-of-life matters and had put their wishes in writing years ago. Not only did they each have a Power of Attorney for Health Care, but they had always discussed their individual wishes with their kids so that everyone was on the same page. In the midst of this incredibly stressful time, when the family wanted to spend time with my uncle, not one second was wasted arguing over treatment plans and second guessing. Those decisions had been made, agreed upon, and widely known, so the entire family was able to be fully present for each other and my uncle. It was beautiful.
I believe that the single most loving act any adult can take is to plan for their death long before they think they may pass away. Loving for your spouse. Loving for your children. Loving for your siblings and any living parents.
I’ve heard a bunch of excuses for why people fail to plan:
- “It’s expensive to put together a Power of Attorney for Health Care.” Guess what? It’s more expensive for the state to decide what should happen to you. Please see Terri Schiavo for more information on this.
- “Death is morbid and I just don’t want to think about it.” You’re gonna die. When it’s your time, you’re probably not going to be in a state to realize the morbidity of it. Your loved ones, however, will experience their grief and stress in a far greater way later, than you’d feel it now. Imagine how grief-stricken they will be if you’re incapacitated and unable to make your own medical decisions and then add onto that the stress of trying to imagine what you’d want, arguments that will erupt when well-meaning people disagree, and how that can cause irreparable damage to their relationships. Is that what you want your legacy to be?
- “I have time.” Really? How do you know? Do you have a direct line to God? Where did you get that crystal ball?
- “I don’t know how to create a Power of Attorney for Health Care.” There are plenty of attorneys to help you out with this and it’s not expensive.
- “All attorneys are shysters and just want my money.” Then go online and find the appropriate boilerplate documents for your state, complete them, and get them notarized. I recommend using an attorney for creating your Power of Attorney because then you’ll know you’ve got all the t’s crossed and i’s dotted. Trust me, peace of mind is not money wasted.
- “It’s just too much work and I’m busy.” Really? You know what your wishes are. You know where all of your financial documents and accounts are located. If you’re unable to communicate any of that for any reason, your loved ones sure aren’t going to know what to do, where to find the information they need, and they’ve got their own lives and grief to deal with. It takes a couple of hours to get your wishes on paper.
These excuses are lame and hold no water. Take Nike’s advice and just do it. Preparing for your death is one of the greatest acts of love you can take.
Here are some facts you need to know:
- Each state has its own rules around Durable Powers of Attorney. Most of them will honor POAs from another state, but they don’t have to do so. If you regularly spend significant time living in another state or another country, the best thing you can do is to get POAs in each locality. They should be identical to avoid confusion, but they’ll cover your bases.
- In Illinois, you need two Durable Powers of Attorney. First, you need a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care outlining your health care wishes and identifying the person(s) who are responsible for carrying out your wishes. Second, and equally important, you must have a Durable Power of Attorney for Property. This POA identifies a person who can make financial decisions for you. Specifically, they can pay your bills, have access to your accounts, talk to your creditors, etc. This is vital because imagine your mortgage or rent not being paid while you’re in the hospital unable to talk to your bank. You could go into foreclosure or be evicted and wind up with ruined credit or homeless upon your recovery.
- When your kids turn 18, you no longer have automatic rights over their medical decisions. Doctors cannot talk to you because of HIPPA laws. Health Care POAs allow doctors to speak to you and make medical decisions when your adult kids are unable to make decisions for themselves. I hope they live to ripe old ages, but things happen. Better to have the POAs and never need them than to need them and not have them. You’ll obviously need to initiate this conversation with your adult kids, but establishing POAs should be part of the financial education you give them. Take them to your attorney and pay for it. Again, peace of mind is priceless.
- You can change your POAs. When you initially set up your POAs, you’ll identify the person authorized to make your decisions, along with an alternate person (think runner-up to Miss America) who will step in should your first choice be unable to fulfill their duties. When you get married or in a long-term partnership, you may want your spouse or partner to be your POA rather than a sibling or parent or friend. You probably also want to make changes should you get divorced. You can also change your directives on end of life care, meaning that today you can decide that you want all life-saving measures taken, but later decide you want a do not resuscitate order. You must make all of these changes in writing. It is not assumed that your current spouse is your POA. Again, see Terri Schiavo.
- You do not need kids or a spouse to set up POAs. I set mine up when I was in my mid-30s. I wasn’t married then and I’m not married now, nor do I have children, but if something should happen to me, I still want to know that I am not placing unnecessary burdens on my family and friends.
- Choose your POAs carefully. Can you trust the people you choose to carry out your wishes do so? Are they rock solid under stress? Who in your life remains the most level-headed in an emergency? This is a life and death matter, so choose carefully. Although I trust my mom implicitly, she has her own medical issues, and I felt that my brother would be a better choice for my POA. I discussed this with both of them and they understand my reasoning. It wasn’t personal. I love my mom more than anything, but I felt that it would also be better for her not to have to take on this responsibility. I know that my brother and my mom will make decisions together, but Dave has the ultimate responsibility.
- Put the original documents in a safe place and distribute copies to those who need them. The documents need to be witnessed and notarized, in some places. They may also need to be signed by those who are identified as your POAs and alternates. Each person named needs to have a fully executed copy of your POAs. Mine are in Dropbox, shared with those who need them, and they know where the originals are located. They will need to produce them to doctors, creditors, etc.
- It’s easy to get started. My estate planning attorney, at Drost, Kivlahan, McMahon, & O’Connor (who has not paid me or traded services for this mention), has a simple form on their website that helps you gather your information and get the conversation started with them or any attorney. Be sure to use an estate planning attorney, rather than any attorney, because they specialize in these issues.
Please do the right thing and set up the Powers of Attorney that you need. And talk to your loved ones about your wishes. In my opinion, planning for your death and/or incapacitation is the ultimate gift of love. Failing to do so is selfish and the ultimate slap in the face to your loved ones.
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Watervale Bingo Days 5: We’re half-way there!
Tuesday was an exciting day here at Watervale. It was windy, rainy, and chilly. I believe that the high was about 59, which meant that I actually put on socks. I’ll have you know that, although it was tempting, I did not wear them with my flip flops. I even slept in a wool hat, a sweatshirt and socks, although I kicked the socks off during the night. Please don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining about Tuesday at all.
The worst day at Watervale always beats the best day anywhere else.
It’s time to mark your Watervale Bingo cards. If you’re just starting to play now, be sure to check out the previous summaries for boxes you can mark (here and here).
Tuesday – Day 5
First, I slept in skipping breakfast because I had a migraine. (Mark your Bingo Card for skipping breakfast, not the migraine). It was wonderful. I loved getting a couple of extra hours of sleep. I didn’t love that I still only got 7 hours and 38 of sleep. So close and yet so far.
When I finally got up, I spent some time working on a few job applications. Fingers crossed on those.
Mid-afternoon I was feeling restless and realized I hadn’t eaten all day, so I ran into town to find some lunch. I ended up at El Berto’s Taqueria, Elberta’s newest restaurant. Although only open during the summer and between the hours of 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., El Berto’s is my new go-to for a quick and delicious lunch on the go while at Watervale. They make everything with fresh local ingredients, right in front of you, and at very reasonable prices, plus many of their items are vegan and/or gluten-free. They also serve Northwoods Soda, which I found to be delicious. Check out their menu. Mark your Bingo Card!
As I tooled around downtown Frankfort, I noticed a significant break in the cloud bank and began to hope for a glorious sunset. The temperature was increasing and the winds were dying down, all good signs for the evening.
Returning to Watervale, I found my cousin Betsy and her husband Andy had arrived in time for dinner and to spend the evening with us. It was a lovely mini-family reunion and fun sharing our Watervale history with them. They were enthralled with Watervale and hope to return.
After dinner, we all headed to the Big Beach to watch the sunset and were not disappointed. It was stunning, as usual. Sunset #2 of 3 needed to mark your card. I didn’t make my steps goal, but I did have my 4th day of 64 ounces of water (just 1 more day and you can mark both the sunset and water square).
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Watervale Bingo: Mark Your Cards for Days 3 and 4
You know what the great thing about vacation is? The lack of schedule. There was a moment yesterday when I was standing on the steps of the Inn and asked myself, “what day is it?” That’s truly the sign that I’ve checked out of life as I’m accustomed to it and am fully engulfed in vacation mode. It took me 2 1/2 days to get there this year, which is a miracle. It normally takes me anywhere from four to six days and then it’s time to step back into reality.
It’s been a busy couple of days. I hope I’m able to recall it all. Get out your Watervale Bingo cards and start marking boxes.
Sunday began with me showing up to breakfast early. My dad has a rule that breakfast is at 8:30 a.m. SHARP and every year I try to negotiate that we meet for breakfast at 8:30 a.m. Mountain Time. My belief is that I’m on vacation and that means I don’t watch the clock. We disagree on this and a few other things. Not to worry, even though my plan to miss breakfast failed, I still accomplished a few things:
- I kayaked for almost 2 hours on Lower Herring Lake, which was the temperature of bath water, and on Lake Michigan, which was the temperature of hypothermia. I’m not sure what that temp is, but I was damn pleased I remained upright in my kayak especially considering how far out into the Lake we went. I found it odd that Lower Herring was so much warmer than Lake Michigan, given that they are connected. We did not kayak to Elberta though; we’ve got that planned for later in the week. Yesterday was about me getting my “kayaking legs” again and feeling comfortable. I did not achieve 10,000 steps, although with almost 2 hours of kayaking, my arms now look just like Michelle Obama’s arms (I wish).
- I skipped bread at dinner. Believe me, this shocked my dad and Dave. Never before in the history of time have I ever skipped John Hultman‘s Honey Oatmeal bread or Watervale Cracked Wheat or French bread. It’s all made daily. In fact, I made the Cracked Wheat and French breads each morning when I worked here in 1991. So dad and Dave thought I might be running a fever when I skipped the bread. I also skipped the Creme Brûlée for dessert, which is also a first. Trust me, I regretted both decisions all night.
- After dinner, I chose not to head down to the Big Beach for the sunset because I was tired and I the haze and cloud cover would prevent a visible sunset. I was wrong in a major way. The good news is that standing on the dock on Lower Herring Lake provides a spectacular sunset in its own right. The sunset was amazing in the way it reflected off the lake. Sunset #1 of 3 needed to mark the square.
- I completed 10% Happier by Dan Harris. This is a tremendous book that I will review in a later post. I’ve read it a couple of times now and each time get more and more out of it. That’s book 1 of 3 for your Bingo card.
- I drank 64 ounces of water today. Day 2 of 5 down.
After going to bed super early on Sunday night, I awoke on Monday morning to once again make it to breakfast early, but sat down to the sad news that my college mentor had passed away. The day quickly picked up however.
- I got 8 hours and 43 minutes of sleep on Sunday night into Monday. More importantly, I only woke up twice. Frankly, this is a world record for me. I typically wake up numerous times throughout the night and have a tough time getting 6 hours of sleep. I could really get used to this 8+ hours each night. That’s 2 of 3 days needed to mark this square. I’m really hopeful I can pull this off again tonight.
- I drank another 64 ounces of water today. An interesting side note, until lunch today, I had not had any Diet Coke or any caffeine at all since I had about 2 ounces on Saturday. So really, it was Friday. Yay me! 3 of 5 days of water down.
- Shortly after breakfast, sitting on the front porch of the Inn, I met someone I’ve long admired in Chicago media. Truly, this was the highlight of my day. Well, if you ignore what a star-struck dork I was. I was cool for the first five minutes and pretended I didn’t know he was a big deal, but then I couldn’t help myself. Fortunately, he was super cool. I’d like to think he was equally star-struck in meeting me, but ya know, we can’t have everything we wish for. I’d tell you who it was, but that would be so uncool of me.
- Because it was a gray day, I convinced dad we should head into town for a bit and have lunch at The Cherry Hut. He was reluctant, but ended up having a good time and enjoying himself. It turns out that he was reluctant because he’d never been there before, which completely surprised me. It’s been a good 20 years since I’ve been there, but it hasn’t changed at all, which is what I love about it.
- After lunch, I finished my second book, Here I Go Again by Jen Lancaster. As I’m thinking about it tonight, today was a very Lake Forest-centric day (Jen is from Lake Forest). It was a fun beach read. That’s book 2 of 3 for your Bingo square. I predict I’ll finish book three tomorrow.
- About 3pm, I looked down at my Jawbone app and realized I had not taken as many steps as I would have liked, so I went for a two mile walk from the Inn to M-22 and back on Watervale Road. After dinner, in an effort to help me get the last 1,500 steps I needed, Dave and I walked from the Inn to the Outlet on the Big Beach, and I ended the day with 11,750 steps. A storm is coming in, so there was no visible sunset. That’s day 2 of 5 of 10,000+ steps for the Bingo square.
- Of course, the sad news about Robin Williams came as we sat down for dinner. My first thought was, “Oh captain, my captain. RIP.” The news spread like wildfire on the East Porch and my next thought was, “Just a few years ago this sort of news happened and everyone at Watervale was oblivious until at least the next morning, if someone went into town for a paper. Otherwise, we might go the whole week without hearing it. Times sure have changed.” I miss those good old days when being at Watervale meant we were truly out of touch with the world. Robin Williams, in case you didn’t know, was also originally from Lake Forest. See what I mean about today being a Lake Forest day?
A full photo gallery of the last two days will be shared tomorrow. And it will include a surprise I didn’t mention.
In honor of Robin Williams, I close this post with my favorite scene from Dead Poet’s Society.
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Watervale Bingo: Days 1 and 2
If you’re playing Watervale Bingo, the game I invented earlier yesterday, I hope you’re excited for the summary of my activities for yesterday and today. It’s been a fun-filled first two days with many adventures still to be had in the next eight days.
On Friday, I left my house at 4:08 a.m. CT and arrived at Dave’s house at approximately 12:15 p.m. ET.
- Rather than driving from Lake Bluff through Chicago and Indiana and up the west coast of Michigan, I took the Lake Express Ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegon. After discovering this phenomenal way to travel last year, it’s the only way to go, in my opinion.
- Dave and I hiked Green Point Dunes. It was a truly wonderful hike with just enough grading to make it slightly difficult in spots. Word of advice: When your brother says, “Oh, you don’t need to put on your sneakers. You’ll be fine in your flip flops,” DO NOT listen to him. The hike would have been far easier if I’d had on my Nikes.
- I ended the day having taken 10,379 steps. Considering I spent seven hours sitting in a car or on a boat, that’s pretty damn good, I’d say. This is day 1 of 5 needed to mark this square.
Friday night I spent at Dave’s house and went to bed early. I also slept in on Saturday morning, had a lazy breakfast of yogurt on his deck, and did some journaling before finally making a plan for the day and getting dressed at 11:15.
- From Friday night into Saturday morning, I slept 9 hours and 24 minutes, which is far more than I’ve slept in ages. It was glorious. I also managed to get in another 1 hour and 20 minute nap. Truly, there is nothing more spectacular than a nap at Watervale. If you’ve ever experienced this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, I honestly feel sorry for you. This is day 1 of 3 needed to mark this square.
- Once I finally got dressed today, Dad and I headed off for a leisurely lunch at the A&W Drive-In #21 in Frankfort. No, we did not eat in the car. That’s just stupid. We ate inside, like civilized folk.
- After lunch, we ventured into downtown Frankfort, where we visited The Bookstore and Bay Wear, where I purchased an M-22 sticker for my new car. Believe me, my car has felt naked without this shoutout to my favorite place on earth. Now I just need a Watervale sticker and all will be right in the world again. I later visited Beedazzled in Benzonia, where they make all of their natural products from bees. I purchased Buzz Off Insect Repellent, some itch cream for the bug bites I’ve already gotten, and some honey lavender lip balm.
- At dinner, I dined on some of Richard’s Tomato Dill Soup, which is honestly the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten. If I could eat this soup every single day, I would. Sadly, tonight was not the night I bypassed the bread. Sorry.
- I did manage to drink 64 ounces of water today though. This is day 1 of 5 needed to mark the space.
- After dinner, Dave and I headed down to the beach to watch the sunset, but it was too cloudy over Lake Michigan to see it. This does not count towards seeing three sunsets. I did see the Super Moon though.
Today brought many wonderful pleasures, but the greatest of all was in seeing many old friends and catching up on their lives. Sure, many of us are connected via Facebook, but actually seeing each other in person, even if only for a few days each year, is always a highlight.
I’m hoping for another 8 hours of sleep tonight and that I finish my first book, so it’s time to sign off on this post.
I hope you’re enjoying Watervale Bingo as much as I am.
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Watervale Bingo!
Earlier today, The Woodlawn Wonder explained to ArkiLad that I was headed to my ancestral summer home, Watervale, where my family has vacationed for four generations (I’m the third generation). That sparked a whole conversation about Watervale and what I do while I’m here and sparked an idea: Watervale Bingo!
What is Watervale Bingo?
It’s a game that I invented this afternoon and is now patent pending, so don’t be think of stealing credit for its invention.
How to play: Pick a Bingo card from the three cards below, or play all three, if you wish. Follow along with my journey and mark off activities as I complete them. I’ll post daily updates with what I’ve completed so you can mark your card. If you’re on Facebook, you can also search #Watervale2014 where you may see activities before I post them here. Just like in traditional Bingo, you win by marking off all the activities in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal line.
And, yes, there will be prizes for anyone who gets a Bingo. In order to win, you’ll have to let me know you’re playing and scan your marked-up Bingo card so I can verify your winnings.*
It’ll be like you’re here with me, but you won’t be. I hope you know that I’d bring each and every one of you to Watervale with me, if I could. At this point, however, I haven’t hit the blogging jackpot. You can help me with that goal by liking, commenting, and sharing my posts with your friends.
Watervale Bingo Card 1 
Watervale Bingo Card 2 
Watervale Bingo Card *Prizes for Watervale Bingo are not monetary in nature.
Thank you for reading Little Merry Sunshine. Please like my posts, comment, and share them via your social media outlets.
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Dear DMV: Kiss my ass
Dear DMV,
Yes, what happened between us today is at least partly my fault. Heck, I’ll own 50% of it, but I really wish you could meet me half way on this one and recognize your responsibility. If you could have done that, our special time together could have been far more pleasant and we’d both have lovely memories.
You know that I moved three years ago, a year after renewing my license, and I promptly changed my address with you because I like it when we keep in touch. Much to my surprise, all I had to do was complete an online address change form. I didn’t have to plan a date with you, show up, and wait in a long line while you spent time with many others. I loved you for this convenience.
Sure, there have been a few inconveniences over the years because my license didn’t match my checks initially and when I got into that accident in April, the cop gave me a little hassle over having a license that didn’t match the DMV records on her computer. All in all, however, things have been easy.
Because I recently celebrated a birthday my license expired and I needed a new one. I was excited to finally have a license that matched everything else in my life. I prepared to see you by thoroughly reading the letter you sent me and bringing my Passport, which you explicitly stated was an acceptable form of ID. I also had my driver’s license and the letter, which I was instructed to bring.
When I arrived, there was a very long line, but I was prepared for that too. I had a book and my phone was fully charged. I saw a sign that said pregnant women could skip the wait, but although I could pass for being pregnant and was truly pressed for time today, my integrity won out and I patiently awaited my turn. I also figured it was some good down time for me.
Thirty minutes later my number was called and I eagerly handed all my paperwork to the nice man behind the counter. Things went smoothly until he asked me for additional proof of my new address. Confused, I asked why. He explained that because I changed my address three years ago, I now needed to provide actual proof because “anyone could put any address into the internet.” Okay, sure.
To be fair, the renewal letter you recently sent me did mention something about this. It said,
“If you are changing your address at the time of renewal, you must provide two documents from the list of acceptable identification, with your new address. Other acceptable forms of identification (not listed) may be found in the current “Rules of the Road” or on the Secretary of State’s Web page: www.cyberdriveillinois.com.” Office of the Secretary of State Driver Services Department, Notice of Driver’s License Renewal. (emphasis mine)
As I said, I’d changed my address three years ago and you’d even sent me a letter at the time confirming the change. I read those sentences to mean that because I had changed my address previously and was not currently making a change, this did not apply to me.
Oh, how wrong I was.
DMV: Do you have any ID, Ms. Gardner?
Me: You mean aside from the Passport I just gave you?
DMV: Yes. Something with your current address.
Me: I changed my address three years ago. Your letter only said that people who are currently changing their address at the time of renewal need to bring extra ID. Here’s my checkbook with my current address though.
DMV: Ma’am, you should have understood that “changing your address at the time of renewal” clearly applied to you. Your checkbook is not acceptable. Anything else?
Me: Here’s the letter you sent me at my new address informing me it was time to renew my license. But, you know, if this was meant to apply to me than the language of the letter should have been more inclusive.
DMV: The letter is clearly inclusive and not an acceptable form of ID. Anything else?
Me: Here’s my car registration issued by the State of Illinois in April 2014 with my current address. Seriously, though, all you needed to do was add one little phrase after “If you are changing your address at the time of renewal” to be more inclusive and the letter would have been far clearer. If you’d just added “or have changed your address online since your last renewal” I’d have understood that this applied to me. Ten words and we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
DMV: Your car registration is not acceptable. Car related documents are not acceptable forms of ID. Anything else? You’re arguing semantics, ma’am. The letter is perfectly clear. Additionally, the letter you received three years ago informed you that you’d need proof of your new address when you next renewed your license.
By this time, I’ve emptied my purse and wallet on the counter looking for anything with my new address.
DMV: What about on your phone? Do you have any bills?
Me: Yes I do. Here’s the Talbot’s order confirmation showing my shipping and billing address, which are both my current address that you have in your database. Seriously? Do you recall what your mail says from three years ago? Grammar matters. “Changing” means something is currently happening. “Changed” refers to an action in the past. If the letter had used the correct verbiage, it would have been clear.
DMV: Talbot’s receipts are not acceptable. Anything else? Why are you giving grammar lessons to the DMV?
Me: Oh, here’s my Citicard statement. Damn, it doesn’t have my address on it. That’s probably for security purposes.
DMV: Can you log into your bank account or credit card?
Me: Ya know, I don’t do phone banking, especially in public because of security concerns.
DMV: Well, without it, you can’t get your license.
ME: Okay, I’m into my Citibank account. Ugh. It shows my balance, but I can’t get to my statements. Again, probably for security reasons. Let me try Chase. Damnit, they have to confirm it’s me by texting me a code. (NOTE: Almost 7 hours later, I have not received the code).
DMV: Ma’am, do you have any bills or paychecks in your car with your address?
Me: No. Again, I’m concerned about identity theft and I don’t keep anything with my address in my car, which is why I had my car registration on me.
At this point, I’m beginning to hyperventilate.
DMV: Is there anyone here who can sign an affidavit that you’re not lying about your address?
Me: No. Do you really think I’m lying about my address?
And I’ve gone into full panic mode.
DMV: Do you have a Comcast account?
Me: YES!
DMV: Go next door to the Comcast service center, have them print your statement with your address, and bring it back to me. I’ll pretend your checkbook is a bank statement.
Me, contemplating climbing over the counter to kiss this man: Thank you! I’ll be right back.
Fifteen minutes later:
DMV: Now, you understand that I’m breaking the rules by accepting your checkbook as official ID. These are rules set in place by the Department of Homeland Security. And they don’t have a sense of humor.
Me: I appreciate that, but with all due respect, I doubt anyone is going to go to all the effort I’ve gone to with giving you my Talbot’s confirmation, car registration, checkbook, letter from the DMV, and Comcast statement, if I were faking my address. Furthermore, this would have been prevented by simply adding a phrase to the recent letter the DMV sent me.
DMV: Ma’am, we’ve discussed this. You knew this applied to you and giving the DMV grammar lessons really isn’t going to help you. Now please step over here for the eye exam and put your glasses on.
Two seconds later.
Me: That was super easy. Just one line of letters and flashing lights on both sides of my face.
DMV: Uh, ma’am, you failed the vision test.
I retook the vision test, passed it, and sat down for my picture. All I can tell you is that my new driver’s license is only slightly better than a Lindsay Lohan mug shot. All in all, it took me 90 minutes. While I was going to all the trouble, I also obtained an Illinois State ID Card too. I don’t know why I need it, but I have it now. The better news is that I quit while I was ahead on that whole grammar lesson thing. I decided that I preferred to stay out of jail.
Please DMV, I beg you, add that one little phrase to your letter. I’m sure it will save many other people headaches like you gave me today.
Thanks.
XOXO,
Jessica
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Washington DC: I’ll always call it home
In the Spring of 1993, when most of my friends were headed to sandy beaches during Spring Break of our senior year of college, I hopped on a plane and jetted off to Washington DC where I hoped to land a job. I knew no one, had no connections or “ins,” and this was before the internet. Fortunately, I landed an internship at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which to this day remains the best job I’ve ever had. I did good work that changed lives.
That three month internship led to my first real job as a legal assistant at Hogan & Hartson LLC (now Hogan Lovells LLC). Being a legal assistant may sound boring, but I loved many aspects of it. I worked for an incredible group of litigators and spent a good amount of time in court. They gave me opportunities beyond my years because they believed in me and I never failed to rise to the challenge.
At Hogan, I made incredible friends. Kelly, Kalee, Kristin, Karen, Rose, Brooke, Kevin, Sarah, Sarah, Debbie, Alicia, Rick, Brad, and Jackie. Just to name a few. We worked hard, but our antics were the things of legends. Many of them, I can’t recount here. I also dated some interesting men. The most interesting was the guy I quickly learned was the grandson of Paul Tibbets, the pilot of the Enola Gay. He talked about it all the time. It was honestly a little much.
I was involved in politics, played intramural flag football, hosted many friends and family members, attended church and Christmas Eve services at Washington National Cathedral, attended a memorial service in honor of the 25th anniversary of the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery, sat in the Senate Gallery during a very tense night of discussions on the budget debate, cite checked briefs for the Supreme Court for John Roberts (he worked for Hogan at the time I did), toured the White House multiple times including once in the West Wing, and generally had the time of my life. Yes, D.C. was a wonderful place to spend my 20s.
I moved back from Washington DC on May 1, 2000, a little over 14 years ago. Although I’ve found my place in Chicago, not a week goes by that I don’t think about those seven years and wonder “what might my life be like if I hadn’t left?”
Don’t misunderstand me, I love being closer to my family. My mom is less than 40 minutes away; aunts, uncles, and cousins are mostly within a small radius of a few hours; Dave is six hours away; and my dad is three hours away. I get to see them all on a regular basis, a perk that didn’t exist when I was in D.C., and because I live on the North Shore, I am often reminded that these are the roads and villages where my Gardner relatives have lived for a century and I feel their presence.
Washington DC just felt like home to me from the moment I first stepped off the airplane in 1993. And I’ll always miss it.
Want to read more about my Washington DC adventures? Check out these posts:
- Cherry Blossom Festival
- Mrs. Paulk Goes to Washington
- 10 Years Ago
- A Washington DC Christmas
- My First DC Experience
- Flying First Class and the Kindness of Strangers
- National Memorial Day Concert
- My Love Affair with Michael Jordan
- Happy Birthday Betsey and Ross
Don’t miss some pictures of my DC days below.
Tonight’s post is part of ChicagoNow‘s monthly Blogapalooz-Hour. Read all the posts here.
Hey all,
Welcome to ChicagoNow’s Blogapalooz-Hour!
Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to publish a post in one hour. Here is tonight’s challenge:
“Write about a person, place or thing that you miss.”
Your first thought may go to a person that you miss, but don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
You might be nostalgic for your college years, or missing a loved one that may have passed or moved away? Maybe your favorite lipstick was discontinued? Perhaps ‘Different Strokes’ was your favorite television show? Really, you can take this assignment in whatever direction you want.
The main idea is to participate, be creative, and let your thoughts flow. Use words, images or video. Whatever you need to tell your story.
Be aware of the time. No matter when you finish, please wait until 10 p.m. to publish. Above all, please respect the deadline.
You have one hour.
Go.
Best,
Shavon
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Blogapalooz-Hour: Top 11 Tips for Success
Blogapalooz-Hour: One hour each month when the bloggers of ChicagoNow blog about the same topic sent out at exactly 9:00 p.m. CT by Community Managers, Jimmy Greenfield or Shavon Banket. (Ed. note: That’s the wrong Jimmy Greenfield. ChicagoNow‘s Jimmy is not related to that James Greenfield. Find the right one here.) Bloggers hit publish at 10:00 p.m. CT, but not before.
All of the posts are then collected into a Storify, also created by Mr. Greenfield (hahahaha! no one calls him that!). Participation is optional. Non-ChicagoNow bloggers can participate because Mr. Greenfield shares the topic via social media usually Twitter, although they are not part of the Storify. See the June 2014 Storify of Blogapalooz-Hour here. Also known as Blogapalooza.
If you’re new to Blogapalooz-Hour or you want to create your own Blogapalooz-Hour with your friends and family, you’ll want to take some steps to prepare. Blogapalooz-Hour should not be taken lightly. Nor should it be tried at home by non-professionals. Bad things can happen.
Top 11 tips for a successful Blogapalooz-Hour:
- Respect Blogapalooz-Hour. Honor the traditions of Blogapalooz-Hour and those who have come before you. We take this seriously and so should you.
- Blogapalooz-Hour is not about perfection. It’s about writing a post and hitting publish. That’s not to say you should not aim to do your best. Take Voltaire’s advice and “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”
- Be prepared. The Boy Scouts were onto something when they made this their motto. You’ve got one hour, so you’ve got to make the most of it. Your computer should be turned on and you should be logged into your blog prior to 9:00 p.m. Have your blog already set up so you’re not wasting precious time doing mundane tasks. Pre-check some of your categories and tags. I always have Blogapalooz-Hour pre-chosen in categories and tags. Have your favorite go-to site for free images open in a separate browser tab and your photo album open. Make sure your signature or email sign-up is pre-loaded onto your blog post.
- Warm up. If you’re over 21, this might include a pre-Blogapalooz-Hour adult beverage. If you’re under 21, have a kiddie cocktail. We do not condone underage drinking. Regardless of your age, you may want to do some pre-writing just to get the creative juices flowing. It also helps to warm up your typing fingers with some basic typing exercises. Speed counts, people.
- Clear your area of distractions. Put the kids to bed prior to 9:00 or have someone else do it. I don’t really recommend just letting them run wild until 10:00, but in a pinch this will do if you don’t mind not sleeping. Pets should also be watered, fed, and walked prior to Blogapalooz-Hour. There are no texts or phone calls important enough to answer during Blogapalooz-Hour. Stay off Facebook. You really can do this for 60 minutes.
- Use the given topic as a launching pad. I like to challenge myself to think of it as a “Six degrees of Kevin Bacon” game. I may have no ideas on the given topic, but can I loosely connect what I really want to write about in an obscure way? Go for it. For example, last month, we had to write a love letter to a thing (not a person). I was in the midst of some major family stuff and tears were flowing easily. What I really wanted to write about was the rawness of the recent death of my uncle, but that wasn’t the topic. Instead, I wrote a love letter to my tears. I got to weave in how I felt about my uncle and all the other family stuff and it connected to the topic.
- Always try to trick Jimmy into giving you the topic ahead of time. This is a time honored game. He never falls for it. But the first person to get him to break early in the day will be rewarded by Blogapalooz-Hour being renamed in their honor. (Ed. note: Little Merry Sunshine has no authority to make this promise.)
- Just start writing. Seriously. The best way to be successful is to write. I usually go with my gut and write about the first thing that pops into my head. Looking back at June, when I saw the topic, I got very emotional because of the emotional stuff I was going through. In that moment, I knew there was only one thing to write about.
- Use your time wisely. I typically write from 9:00 to 9:30, edit and re-write from 9:30 to 9:45, and finally add links, SEO, and images from 9:45 to 10:00. Yes, sometimes I miss the 10:00 deadline and hit publish at 10:10, but it’s close enough. The point is that the post shouldn’t take a week. Remember Tip #2.
- Hit publish and promote the heck out of it. The only way to fail at Blogapalooz-Hour is to write for an hour and then not publish your post. You may not think your Blogapalooz-Hour post is Pulitzer worthy (and you’re probably right), but it will resonate with someone. I have found that some of my favorite posts are the ones I’ve whipped out during Blogapalooz-Hour. They are also sometimes some of my most popular.
- Read and support your fellow Blogapalooz-Hour participants. Add the Storify link to your post. Read their posts. I learn a lot about my fellow bloggers by reading their Blogapalooz-Hour posts because we all tend to stop being polite and start getting real.
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Jessica L Gardner 